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Old 11-18-2009, 07:52 PM   #1
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Default Need to vent, badly.

Home life has gotten rough lately, very rough. As most of you know, I've been interested in firefighting and storm chasing for quite sometime and it's stuff I rely on to get away. Not to mention computers, all are hobbies I enjoy greatly.

My dad attacks the things I do and makes fun of me because of it

"why don't you come beat me up? you don't have any balls you f*****g c**t!"

you'd think that was a quote from a douchebag at school, but that came out of my "fathers" mouth 10 minutes ago.


Arguments like these first occurred with my 28 year old brother and scarred him greatly because of it, he fell into drinking heavily and is now recovering which I'm very proud of him for it.

I'm certainly not going to fall into problems like that, but I really need help here guys. This sounds cheezy but I don't give a shit, this is really bothering me and I just want to hear from guys I associate with. I've never been spoken to like this before, let alone from my own damn father. The relationship is too damaged to fix, I'm not willing to fix it, it's that simple. At this point I just feel like he's a guy I live with and that's it..
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:02 PM   #2
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Yikes, that's a really strong statement, especially to come out of your own father's mouth.

Your dad should be supportive of your hobbies that you enjoy, whether he likes it or not. Are his attacks unprovoked?
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:03 PM   #3
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

The best advice I can come up with (however lame it may be) is this:

The best revenge is leading a good life, following your dreams and being successful in your endeavors.
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:16 PM   #4
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

You need to bring your father to a clinic that deals with this behavior. It's not healthy, plain and simple.
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:40 PM   #5
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

What I do to people who come at me completely pissed off, is respond in a completely nonchalant calm voice, and defend my views, while acting completely unaffected by what they said. Give them a minute, and they will realize that they sound like idiots, and it might anger them more, but what happens is they sound even stupider.
What does your dad do that makes him so great? Has he seen what fire-fighters do? And how is chasing storms a pussy thing?

Tell him one thing, Bitches argue, men debate. Make him explain why he thinks what you do is not manly at all, because to most of us, it is.
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:44 PM   #6
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Does your Father drink?
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:03 PM   #7
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Yikes man. I never had a great relationship with my father, but he never said stuff like that. And take superman's advice. Talk to them in a calm unaffected voice. Yeah, it'll piss them off, and they will sound more stupid when they are screaming and not making any sense. Then you get the satisfaction of just seeing their red spewing faces and shit. And then start laughing at them and they get mad because they don't know what's so funny and it becomes an endless cycle of enjoyment.

EDIT: Or you can just ignore him completely. That's veryyy fun.
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:08 PM   #8
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 63083 View Post
Yikes man. I never had a great relationship with my father, but he never said stuff like that. And take superman's advice. Talk to them in a calm unaffected voice. Yeah, it'll piss them off, and they will sound more stupid when they are screaming and not making any sense. Then you get the satisfaction of just seeing their red spewing faces and shit. And then start laughing at them and they get mad because they don't know what's so funny and it becomes an endless cycle of enjoyment.
That might escilate to more trouble.
If it were me, I'd go rent an appartment for a while (assuming I'm financially prepared)
The best way to go about the situation is to disregard your father's pointless statements. I mean, that's just plain rude and un-called for, for a father to say such things.
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:14 PM   #9
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cboucher View Post
The best advice I can come up with (however lame it may be) is this:

The best revenge is leading a good life, following your dreams and being successful in your endeavors.
I chose that route with my father. He used to tell me I was not his kid since I was nothing like him. When I had had enough of hearing that the next time I replied, "No I'm not, thank God". My jaw had to be wired back together. When I was old enough to get out my draft notice dropped in my lap and I jumped all over it. When my tour was up I came home in my full summer dress whites complete with my oak leafs on my collar and my bridge cap parked on my head. I knocked and then was wondering why I was looking at the sky all of a sudden. He had cocked me flat. I guess a successful military career pissed him off. I kicked the door out of the frame and backed him up in the utility room. He was swinging wildly and not connecting. But I did and it just took one good one. I broke both of his denture plates in his mouth. I told him if he ever raised a hand to me, my mom, or my sister I would kill him without hesitation. Later when he lay dying in a hospital bed I chose to forgive him. But I never ever forgot what a horrible person he was.

Quote:
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You need to bring your father to a clinic that deals with this behavior. It's not healthy, plain and simple.
As with any aberrant behavior, they have to want to get help. You can lead them to water but you can't make them drink.
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:50 PM   #10
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cabbs View Post
Yikes, that's a really strong statement, especially to come out of your own father's mouth.

Your dad should be supportive of your hobbies that you enjoy, whether he likes it or not. Are his attacks unprovoked?
Yea, they're un-provoked. I start VERY calmly in a situation such as this. But once he attacks me personally calling me a pussy or attacking the things I love to do to bring me down, he's crossed the line and I get rather fired up at that point.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cboucher View Post
The best advice I can come up with (however lame it may be) is this:

The best revenge is leading a good life, following your dreams and being successful in your endeavors.
That's what I'm planning on doing. I'm 17 now and have a whole future ahead of me, my main goal in life is to prove him wrong. If I do bad in life, then I'll feel he's won. He tears me down like this to see if I'll stand the "real world". That's actually something he said tonight "if you bitch like this to your mom, you won't stand the real world", last time I checked, it's not a normal 'real world' thing to call your kid a c**t.

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You need to bring your father to a clinic that deals with this behavior. It's not healthy, plain and simple.
We've tried. My brother experienced the same thing and back then they legally forced him to counseling, obviously with no effect. At this point I'm just trying to understand what provokes this. I'll be 18 in december and can room with my chase partner over the summer until college which I'm highly considering at this point. I'm not going to spend my last semester of highschool in a household hell.

Quote:
Originally Posted by superman22x View Post
What I do to people who come at me completely pissed off, is respond in a completely nonchalant calm voice, and defend my views, while acting completely unaffected by what they said. Give them a minute, and they will realize that they sound like idiots, and it might anger them more, but what happens is they sound even stupider.
What does your dad do that makes him so great? Has he seen what fire-fighters do? And how is chasing storms a pussy thing?

Tell him one thing, Bitches argue, men debate. Make him explain why he thinks what you do is not manly at all, because to most of us, it is.
I've tried to act calmly, it simply doesn't work. He rudely interrupts and calls me a smartass for talking back and even after that, I'll still say "dad, just hear me out, please" he still insists on interrupting me.

He got on me tonight and told me that he was glad I'd be going to college next year or he'd beat my ass. Then once we got inside he continued to say "why don't you come here so I can beat your ass?!" crap like that, and so I said "believe it or not dumbass, life isn't about physical stature. there's more to life than being able to kick somebody's ass". Saying dumbass REALLY got him fired up, but at that point I really didn't care. I was saying all sorts of stuff "you're a great father, you really are, fine example" stuff like that, it just rolled out..

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmericanSensei View Post
Does your Father drink?
Surprisingly no, but he is paraplegic. Even still, I know paraplegics who are MUCH better fathers than he.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 63083 View Post
Yikes man. I never had a great relationship with my father, but he never said stuff like that. And take superman's advice. Talk to them in a calm unaffected voice. Yeah, it'll piss them off, and they will sound more stupid when they are screaming and not making any sense. Then you get the satisfaction of just seeing their red spewing faces and shit. And then start laughing at them and they get mad because they don't know what's so funny and it becomes an endless cycle of enjoyment.

EDIT: Or you can just ignore him completely. That's veryyy fun.
It just torques him further, there really isn't anything at all to win against him. He plays off anything and uses all kinds of stuff to say back, best way I can explain it is he responds like a child.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MetalOverlord76 View Post
That might escilate to more trouble.
If it were me, I'd go rent an appartment for a while (assuming I'm financially prepared)
The best way to go about the situation is to disregard your father's pointless statements. I mean, that's just plain rude and un-called for, for a father to say such things.
At this point, that's what I'm going to have to do. It's just REALLY hard to do so when he attacks me personally. He mocked storm chasing and told me "why don't you put your red light on your truck and come arrest me since you're a storm chaser!" which really pissed me off. A true father should stand behind his son no matter what his hobbies or interests are, he simply doesn't. I quit band which was something I enjoyed quite a bit because of his comments, something I've regretted to this day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by setishock View Post
I chose that route with my father. He used to tell me I was not his kid since I was nothing like him. When I had had enough of hearing that the next time I replied, "No I'm not, thank God". My jaw had to be wired back together. When I was old enough to get out my draft notice dropped in my lap and I jumped all over it. When my tour was up I came home in my full summer dress whites complete with my oak leafs on my collar and my bridge cap parked on my head. I knocked and then was wondering why I was looking at the sky all of a sudden. He had cocked me flat. I guess a successful military career pissed him off. I kicked the door out of the frame and backed him up in the utility room. He was swinging wildly and not connecting. But I did and it just took one good one. I broke both of his denture plates in his mouth. I told him if he ever raised a hand to me, my mom, or my sister I would kill him without hesitation. Later when he lay dying in a hospital bed I chose to forgive him. But I never ever forgot what a horrible person he was.



As with any aberrant behavior, they have to want to get help. You can lead them to water but you can't make them drink.
Luckily with my situation (this sounds mean, but at this point I really could care less) he's paraplegic and can't come after me. He's tried to fight my brother before but we've both been above him and said "fighting doesn't solve anything". For some reason, he seams to think being the top dog physically is the solution to everything.

He really does fit EVERY description of a bully. I've never dealt with a bully in school, I've always had a good number of friends in all social aspects so dealing with it at home is a whole new ball game..

When it comes down to it, his final arguments are related to physical stature or "who pays for everything". I'm sure this is a documented behavior I just want to find the answer..
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:00 PM   #11
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

I totally and completely understand where you are coming from.
I live with my mother, my disabled brother, and my grandfather.
My grandfather is a narcissistic functioning alcoholic, who is verbally abusive to anyone he deems "stupid" or below him.
Basically to start off; this includes, women, children, animals, and black people.
Take note that he is 76, but recently went to the doctor where the doctor said he has the body of a 50 year old. He is still very active in work and daily life. This is not some crippled old man that you think of when you think "grandfather".

Most of the people here have read my story and know that my life was not easy. One day back in high school I was having a mental break down, and my grandfather back hand me a crossed the face. This was before all my counseling and anyone had learned what I had been through. Only I knew.
But he waited until my mother went to the bathroom, then proceeded to lie about it.
From that day forward I hated him.

Well some years later, I am much more developed (19 almost 20 years old).

When I was 17 my mother comes up stairs on the verge of crying talking about how he treats her.
The next day when everyone was away, I laid it on him.
How he's a drunk, an ass****, that I completely hate him, and wished he was dead. If it wasn't for he isn't worth going to jail over I would kill him my self.
He was speechless and scared sh**less. I told him if he ever touched or spoke to my mother in that tone of voice again I would kill him.

From there on he has not once treated my family with disrespect in my presence. He NEVER crosses me, if I say something it's law.
I will not take shit from him, it's done.


At this point he is just the drunk ass I have to live with.


What I suggest you do is not to ever agree with what he is saying.
But just be quiet about it, don't do anything for or with him avoid him as much as possible. Wait until you are older.. or are you older? how old are you?

Another good idea would be to talk with your older brother I am sure he has some advice that could help.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:06 PM   #12
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

This one might land you a black eye, but if he thinks about this shit later like I know I would after doing something stupid, throw him this line, "You can keep arguing like a bitch, we both know you don't know shit about what you are saying, or you can calm yourself like a man from the 'real world' and listen to what I have to say."

What is it your dad does that's so manly?

I know you are pissed off inside, but DO NOT show your emotions to him, do not let him get what he wants. Show him you are the stronger man but controlling yourself.
You might have to play dirty to make him realize he is being stupid. Get the cops involved if you need to. You don't have to press charges, but it might do him good to spend a night in jail. And if he has to spend longer than a month, he will meet the men that can beat him up...

My dad has anger issues that he trys to solve. It seems after having any alcohol at all, his fuze is shotern to 1/8 of its previous length. He has gotten pretty damn angry before, and he hasn't tried to do much to hurt me ever, he gets PISSED. I do what I said, calmly say what I want after he is out of breath, and walk away. He usually fumes in the kitchen or his garage or goes for a car ride, and comes back to my room about 3 hours later, and apologizes. I don't let it sit at that sometimes. Now I know he is listening, so I throw in the final punch with, "You do this constantly, and everytime you apologize, and yet it happens again. Why?" He usually gets pretty humble then, and basically, I have a tough time making him feel like that after being man enough to apologize, but it really makes him think.




START LIFTING! So calming, I hardly ever get angry. And when I do, I never show it to the person I am angry at. Be the tougher, bigger, and smarter man.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:14 PM   #13
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I can't agree with Vampist more. Avoid the conflict as this kind of egotistical behavior normally means violence will ensue. I don't know your or his physique so I can't exactly say how that would turn out. But, to the best of your abilities, ignore or avoid him. Don't blatantly ignore him to his face - the goal is to spend as little time near him as possible until you can get the hell out of there. Personally, I would have already hit him or knifed him, but I have VERY small tolerance for parents acting like little children or worse yet, threatening children.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:24 PM   #14
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

He pays the bills. That's his excuse in EVERY argument. If he has nothing else to hit on it's "who pays the bills?". For some reason he thinks that entitles him to treat his family like shit.

My dad usually always apologizes but I never have accepted it. Last time he told me to "get the f*** out!" which really hit me at the core, I'd never been spoken to like that by anybody in my entire life and to hear it unsuspectingly from my own father, really really bothered me.

I'm going to talk to my brother about all this, that always helps since he's been through the exact same situation. All I have to look forward to is getting away from him. People always say I'll miss home, they don't understand what it's like at home. I'm truly excited to get off to college and enjoy freedom away from him.

To add more to the story..
Monday night we got a bit of snow here in Topeka, not a whole lot but enough to turn parking lots into a slightly slick slush. I went to Wal-Mart to buy some Christmas lights for the scout Troop I help run along with my chase partner, keep in mind my dad's outlook on storm chasing. I pull into the parking lot at about 15 mph, mind you this is in the back of the parking lot. As I near a cart return station, there's a car sitting just to the left with brake lights on. As I approach there is an oncoming car and this idiot (both reverse lights out) starts to back up VERY fast. I couldn't go left because of oncoming cars, didn't want to hit him and didn't have time to brake so I turned right and slammed on the brakes ultimately hitting the cart return and screwing up the front of my Tblazer pretty good.

I got home, showed the damage to my dad and he was VERY understanding (I was quite surprised). He simply said "shit happens, there wasn't anything you could do, don't worry about it, we'll get it fixed" also saying it was a good thing I didn't hit an actual car.

I get home tonight from work, and say hey like usual and could instantly tell he was upset about something. He instantly hits on the subject of the Tblazer, which I wasn't upset about. I knew I was at fault, I was paying for it but I also knew there wasn't really anything I could do to avoid the situation. Being 10 ft away from a car backing up quickly doesn't give anybody on the face of this planet time to apply the brakes in time. So he says I should've been paying more attention to what I was doing and driving according to the conditions, and I calmly stated that I was going slow enough and asked how I could've avoided a car that previously had their brake lights on just idling in the parking lot which suddenly began to backup. He instantly started to get pissed off and attacked my driving skills, not really a big deal but it did start to get me worked up since Monday it was "shit happens, don't worry about it" and now it's "you should've slowed down and you could've avoided this".

He said that if I didn't have my head up J*****'s ass (my chase partner) and wasn't in such a hurry to go park next to him while thinking about storm chasing, this could've been avoided. That really set me off and confused me. Why the hell would I be thinking about storm chasing while going to get christmas lights? Literally every small thing I do these days he blames on me being side-tracked from storm chasing and firefighting. Anyway, the inflection he had in his voice when he said I wanted to go get next to J***** and had my head up his ass sounded like he was saying we were gay. I know that sounds dumb coming from me, but if you would've heard it, you would've caught that in his tone of voice.

After we'd been going at it for a while, he said "you should've put your red light on your truck and arrested the guy! since you're a stormchaser!" Sound familiar?

If that all makes sense, that's the entire story here.. I'm still trying to figure out why he got so worked up about this and how the situation regarding my truck went from "shit happens, don't worry about it" to "you're at fault and you should've slowed down. it could've been avoided if you wouldn't have been thinking about J***** and trying to catch up with him".
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:31 PM   #15
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

When did he start doing this to you brother. And when did he start doing this to you? This could be an age hatred complex. Sounds stupid but I have one. I can't stand children under 4 or 5 years. Don't want to look at them and I can't stand to be around them. Don't know why, but that's what it is.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:35 PM   #16
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

It's happened during teenage years. My brother was different because he had to deal with moving all the time when my dad was active in the Air Force, my dad didn't like my brother being different and hanging out with the not so good crowd.

I don't want to place myself higher, but I have good grades, I've never drank, never smoked anything, never done any drugs, I'm in scouts, I volunteer in the community, I want to spend free time at the fire station helping them, etc. etc. Basically a perfect child, considering all the underage drinking and drug use that happens at my highschool. My dad full-well knows my stance on drinking, drugs and my role in the community.

Yet he continues on with all this bs about everything else..
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:35 PM   #17
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Almost sounds like my buddys girlfriend. She has Bipolar disorder and has two different personalities. On one hand, shes the best girlfriend one could ever have, The next minute she's your worst enemy, Say some of the most hurtful things and make some of the most surprising threats, actions, etc.

Like 01001010 had said, Maybe he needs checked out. You have to consider everything.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:39 PM   #18
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

I've always considered bi-polar disorder. He can go from being a super nice and generous person to an absolute and complete asshole the next..
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:43 PM   #19
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Actually, I think he's jealous. He never got to live the life or aspirations you intend to, so he's "venting" that by attempting to ruin your hope for future.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:43 PM   #20
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

He got to do exactly what he wanted. Being a pilot.
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