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Warning: lengthy insight
There was a time when I thought I knew my position in life. Where I was headed; what I would become. I thought I knew exactly who I was. I felt that I had an answer to anything and I believed in a lot of things that helped me understand and get through life up to this point. That's why I am suddenly scared that I have become disillusioned to the fact that I really didn't have the answers.
I find myself lost in a world that appears too large for me to cope with. A universe containing infinite uncertainty. Now I am, again, asking questions. What should we care about? What really matters? What will make a difference in our lives if we choose to do one thing or another?
You might be wondering at this point what sparked such meditative thought. I was simply having a discussion with someone whom I only recently met and we got on an interesting subject of the time we have in this life and the things we would like to achieve. It has been a long time since I had such a discussion with someone and that really made me wonder if what I know is really just a bunch of BS.
I know it sounds far fetched but there is a theory that the world might end in 2012. Yeah, yeah, we've been told this before and what happened? Nothing. But that's besides the point. Our time as a collective is obviously limited and running out day after day, but as an individual, living our own insignificant life, do we really know when our end will be? The answer is no. So with that notion, should we really make the extra effort to do the things we want to do and go to the places we wish to go no matter what the cost or the sacrifice tied with it?
I get this feeling with each passing moment I am not doing something that I wish I was really doing that I'm wasting time and being exceedingly foolish. Like at work today, I drove around and around the city basically doing nothing because I didn't have any important work to do. It was an incredible waste of time. I feel ashamed by it. But should I?
I wonder if attempting to accomplish everything on our "list" is unfeasible. If it's pointless and only something to contribute to our worries of inevitable death that if we do not fulfill our goals we are essentially failures. I know we should not fear death but accept it and understand that it will happen. Yet, I have conflicted issues with that idea in a sense that, if we are too accepting of unavoidable death, what is the point of striving to excel and achieve our life's dreams? What should we be driven forward by?
The conflict arises by my refusal to lay down and give up. I am not okay with that either and neither should anyone be. I look at the people in life who have hit rock bottom and can't help but believe that it is their own fault but at the same time I feel that I can't blame them for it. It's easier to let life's intricacies break you than to stand strong and hold your ground.
Anyways, for anyone who has managed to read this far, I am grateful that you have taken the time. I hope you can offer some answers because I certainly don't have any.
There was a time when I thought I knew my position in life. Where I was headed; what I would become. I thought I knew exactly who I was. I felt that I had an answer to anything and I believed in a lot of things that helped me understand and get through life up to this point. That's why I am suddenly scared that I have become disillusioned to the fact that I really didn't have the answers.
I find myself lost in a world that appears too large for me to cope with. A universe containing infinite uncertainty. Now I am, again, asking questions. What should we care about? What really matters? What will make a difference in our lives if we choose to do one thing or another?
You might be wondering at this point what sparked such meditative thought. I was simply having a discussion with someone whom I only recently met and we got on an interesting subject of the time we have in this life and the things we would like to achieve. It has been a long time since I had such a discussion with someone and that really made me wonder if what I know is really just a bunch of BS.
I know it sounds far fetched but there is a theory that the world might end in 2012. Yeah, yeah, we've been told this before and what happened? Nothing. But that's besides the point. Our time as a collective is obviously limited and running out day after day, but as an individual, living our own insignificant life, do we really know when our end will be? The answer is no. So with that notion, should we really make the extra effort to do the things we want to do and go to the places we wish to go no matter what the cost or the sacrifice tied with it?
I get this feeling with each passing moment I am not doing something that I wish I was really doing that I'm wasting time and being exceedingly foolish. Like at work today, I drove around and around the city basically doing nothing because I didn't have any important work to do. It was an incredible waste of time. I feel ashamed by it. But should I?
I wonder if attempting to accomplish everything on our "list" is unfeasible. If it's pointless and only something to contribute to our worries of inevitable death that if we do not fulfill our goals we are essentially failures. I know we should not fear death but accept it and understand that it will happen. Yet, I have conflicted issues with that idea in a sense that, if we are too accepting of unavoidable death, what is the point of striving to excel and achieve our life's dreams? What should we be driven forward by?
The conflict arises by my refusal to lay down and give up. I am not okay with that either and neither should anyone be. I look at the people in life who have hit rock bottom and can't help but believe that it is their own fault but at the same time I feel that I can't blame them for it. It's easier to let life's intricacies break you than to stand strong and hold your ground.
Anyways, for anyone who has managed to read this far, I am grateful that you have taken the time. I hope you can offer some answers because I certainly don't have any.
