Is your son a computer hacker?

[D-Lew]

This is the best website ever. A long read, but quite worth it. Enjoy, folks.

http://www.adequacy.org/stories/2001.12.2.42056.2147.html

 

[Half Evil]

Is that a joke?

 

[Thelis]

12. If your child visits the hacking website www.computerforums.org, he is most likely a hacker. Disown him immediately.

 

[D-Lew]

I really wonder if it's a joke. It HAS to be...

 

[Thelis]

Best one is by far number 7:

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.

Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional.

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.

 

[Half Evil]

I got a good laugh at 5..

5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?

If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is breaking the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to limit your children's access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five minutes each day.

 

[Thelis]

3 is good too.

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.

 

[Half Evil]

Hahaha, wow I missed that. I didnt read that one!

I love that last sentence..

This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.

 

[Thelis]

Mom, any single core processor and any c2d below 3 Ghz is highly malicious hacker software. You must get me the quad core, if you are to have any hope of raising me well.

That kid is the luckiest guy ever if he can use that phrase.

 

[Jesusfrk611]

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

What's Lunix? lol, it must be Linux's sister malicious hacker OS that doesn't exist.

EDIT:

You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer.

That's a good one too. Legal hardware... Didn't know there was illegal hardware. I guess the manufacturers don't smuggle their PC components in like the retail stores do huh?