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Old 10-03-2004, 04:20 PM   #1
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Arrow Work Poopers

WORK POOPERS

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back
in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those of you who hate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you
the......... Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work.
Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE > > Definition: A fart that slips out while peeing or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are next to the farter, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction = with escapee) > > Definition: When
forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is
usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH > > Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME > > Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very
uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER > > Definition: A colleague who poops at work
and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.


THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) > > Definition: A group of coworkers
who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN > > Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR > > Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are
in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most
shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH > > Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE > > Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential
TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON > > Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET > > Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series
of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED > > Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY > > Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

CRACK WHORE > > Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a
Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss
stains and shit streaks. Avoid CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding
out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget with a good cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can become a SAFE HAVEN.

FREQUENT FLYER > > Someone who keeps going in the bathroom to check if it is empty; looks bad for that person.
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Old 10-03-2004, 04:30 PM   #2
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Default Re: Work Poopers

you realy do have to much time on your hands
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Old 10-03-2004, 04:34 PM   #3
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Nah not really, it's just the weekend.
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Old 10-03-2004, 05:01 PM   #4
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Default Re: Work Poopers

rofl!!! man that is hilarious although more than a little wrong
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Old 10-03-2004, 05:02 PM   #5
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Default Re: Work Poopers

Watch out for the Turd Bugulars.
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Old 10-03-2004, 05:03 PM   #6
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Default Re: Work Poopers

I mean, "burglars" lol
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Old 10-03-2004, 05:05 PM   #7
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Default Re: Work Poopers

there is an edit bottum for next time

anyway yeh it is cool
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Old 10-03-2004, 05:08 PM   #8
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Default Re: Work Poopers

Ah yes, silly me.
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Old 10-04-2004, 03:27 AM   #9
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Default Re: Work Poopers

He He, thats quite funny!
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Old 10-04-2004, 11:10 PM   #10
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Default Re: Work Poopers

Now you all have gone mad....Lol
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