Go Back   Computer Forums > Welcome To Computer Forums .org > Social Lounge | Off Topic
Click Here to Login
Join Computer forums Today


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 12-09-2006, 01:42 PM   #1
Fully Optimized
 
Š88's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,775
Send a message via MSN to Š88
Default Why English Teachers Die Young

I got this in an e-mail and had a good laugh over it so i thought i would share...

Why English Teachers Die Young

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.

These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country.

Here are last year's winners.....

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had
its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes
around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and
he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that
sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock,
like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond
exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a
Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole
scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in
another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair
after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed
lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight
trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the
other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. At a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant,
and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a
steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.


19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil.
But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you
get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame
duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing
kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
__________________

__________________
Killing under the cloak of war is no different than murder

Kein Alkohol ist auch keine Lösung!
Š88 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2006, 01:49 PM   #2
Golden Master
 
alvino's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 19,967
Send a message via AIM to alvino
Default Re: Why English Teachers Die Young

I like #6.
__________________

alvino is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2006, 01:55 PM   #3
In Runtime
 
The Sheep's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 158
Default Re: Why English Teachers Die Young

Oh dear, that really made me laugh
__________________
Illuminated Sheep
Human beings may not be perfect
The Sheep is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2006, 02:52 PM   #4
The Candyman
 
~mr mixx~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 11,312
Default Re: Why English Teachers Die Young

i enjoy a good laugh once in a while..
__________________
" Let the music move you "
~mr mixx~ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2006, 03:04 PM   #5
In Runtime
 
Clutch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 340
Default Re: Why English Teachers Die Young

Man that was down right hillarious!!!!!!!
__________________
Building a "Mac PC" . . . . $???
Restoring a 40 year old Mustang . . . . $40K~
Building a business . . . . $Still counting.
Being this damn broke . . . . Priceless!

それ自身による剣規則何も。それは熟練した処理によってしか生き生きして来ない。
Clutch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2006, 03:59 PM   #6
Fully Optimized
 
hascet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,218
Default Re: Why English Teachers Die Young

lol thats pretty funny I should send it to my english teacher...
__________________
www.crazycomputers.org
hascet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2006, 04:27 PM   #7
Fully Optimized
 
Nik00117's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,025
Send a message via AIM to Nik00117 Send a message via MSN to Nik00117 Send a message via Yahoo to Nik00117
Default Re: Why English Teachers Die Young

I was thinking the same thing.
__________________
Main Rig: I7 920 CPU, 6 Gigs ram 5870 GPU
M17X Laptop 2.8 Ghz Dual Core, 4870 Radeon
Nik00117 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2006, 05:53 PM   #8
XEN
In Runtime
 
XEN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 457
Default Re: Why English Teachers Die Young

Saw those a while back, still make me laugh
__________________
Intel Core 2 Duo E6400 |Arctic Cooling Freezer 7 Pro | Asus P5B Deluxe WiFi/AP | 2x512 Crucial XMS2 5400 PRO | XFX GeForce 7600GT XXX Edition | 250 GB SATA Seagate 7200.10 | DVD RW | CD RW | SB Live! card | Thermaltake Soprano case
XEN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2006, 05:59 PM   #9
Golden Master
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,534
Default Re: Why English Teachers Die Young

LOL, was funny!
LA061 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2006, 07:21 PM   #10
In Runtime
 
Luiz396's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 239
Send a message via MSN to Luiz396
Default Re: Why English Teachers Die Young

The ones I like the most are 6, 7, 16 and 17. Hilarious man :P.
__________________

__________________
Don't go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Soy Dominicano!!
Luiz396 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:50 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0