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Old 04-04-2004, 11:21 AM   #1
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Default A very interesting Paragraph

Quote:
The bunny Marshals sat on the chairs, staring at the Window at the end of the room where they waited for something to happen. It did not take long for the already cold and fearful room to gain a chill that made both John and his Field Marshal shake through the Paralysis. Some of the Marshals laughed at this. Then he came through the Window; he was huge, probably 7ft tall with his ears and 4ft without them. It was not Hu’Zak, John had known it would not be, it could not be, but his Field Marshal had not. Unluckily he did not even know that it was not Hu’Zak; and so was even more scared. Hu’Zak’s Field Marshal; one of the most dreadful creatures of all time clunked his way along the room in a huge black suit of armour towards John’s Field Marshal. The Trolls miles away down on the bridge of Dôl Pferct could sense his presence and ran in fear in all directions. Field Marshal Jon’La he was called; a name that was not even spoken in fairy tails or stories to scare the young into eating their vegetables. Commander of all of Hu’Zak’s Armies, leader of all of Hu’Zak’s genocides, the last man standing after Eethbert defeated Hu’Zak who stood against a Billion Strong Army of Eethbert’s Lord Marshal Tiberius Kalthorn for two hours of slaughter before fleeing. Dr. John Xavior’s spine shivered as the devilish face smiled t his fear; almost drawing power from it. He was only three metres away from Hugh; John’s Field Marshal when Hugh charged the huge bunny. He lunged quickly but Jon’La was ahead of him. He pulled his huge 3 foot Heavy Cavalry Sword – forged in the Caves of the Shadow Dimension by Hu’Zak himself, and given to Jon’La on his Promotion to Field Marshal after the Massacre in Galdiii where Half a Billion Galdiii men, women and children were brutally hung with Barded Wire without a drop to snap their necks – and parried the random lunge by Hugh. The huge sword’s force not only snapped Hugh’s equally huge Heavy Cavalry sword, but ripped his arm clean out the socket to fall to the ground. Jon’La had no use in taking a huge amount of time to kill this useless man – so he simply lopped his head clean off with one swing.
What do you all think of this Paragraph? Grammatically or just in Content; whichever will be fine.
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Old 04-04-2004, 11:24 AM   #2
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Realising of course that I know there is a 't' instead of an 'at'. Personally after reading it through I think its the best Paragraph I have written ever. Perfect in almost every sense.
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Old 04-05-2004, 02:21 PM   #3
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Default Re: A very interesting Paragraph

Very good.
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Old 04-05-2004, 04:17 PM   #4
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Lol - what makes you think I wrote it?
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Old 04-05-2004, 05:11 PM   #5
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Default Re: A very interesting Paragraph

Did you? IT is good whoever wrote it.
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Old 04-05-2004, 05:19 PM   #6
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Well, thanks! I did write it - I do intend to put it up on my website once its up!

Got any ideas on how to make it better?
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