Being a filmmaker myself I tend to be critical of other films. Pretty good overall. I guess you didn't do a whole bunch but film it though did you? The editing could be better. Some stuff said off shot was left in the film, something like "don't fall" as the guy was walking in the snow. Some laughing or something in the fighting scene.
I personally like good sound quality, I have an external mic which gives much better sound quality than an internal will. I really don't like the weird tinny sound and sensitivity of sound in the mic you have...
I don't really get why they need to fight over some tickets... Even last tickets to something. I guess I have to know what a Variety Show is? lol
I like doing all my own stuff, so I have more control over my film. I direct, film, and edit my films. Just to make sure myself that I got all the bad stuff cut out (off screen sound, other stuff that doesn't work in the film).
EDIT: and the intro to the film was 6 minutes long? Ok for a full feature film, but too long for a 24 minute film... The beginning credits and title could have been shown while that guy was getting ready for the day, that would have fit better IMO.