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Old 07-25-2006, 12:27 PM   #1
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Default Think before you speak.

These were just too great, so I had to share them.

>FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back,
My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.


>SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
with men's balls."


>THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if
we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


>FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold
of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind
me, were screams of laughter.


>FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter,
she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord,
that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because
the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an
accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel
better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


>LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news
anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they
were laughing so hard!
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Old 07-25-2006, 12:39 PM   #2
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Default Re: Think before you speak.

ROFLMFAO! Hahaha...very nice! Oh man...those are good.

I gotta admit, you got me on the title, i thought this was gonna be some rant or something.
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Old 07-25-2006, 01:59 PM   #3
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Default Re: Think before you speak.

those were great!
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Old 07-25-2006, 03:19 PM   #4
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Default Re: Think before you speak.

ahha those were great man..
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Old 07-25-2006, 03:34 PM   #5
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Default Re: Think before you speak.

that is so hilarious
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Old 07-25-2006, 05:00 PM   #6
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Default Re: Think before you speak.

Hahah, those are soo great!
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Old 07-25-2006, 05:36 PM   #7
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Default Re: Think before you speak.

The 4th and last one is the best.
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Old 07-25-2006, 05:44 PM   #8
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Default Re: Think before you speak.

ROFL ahahahaha
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Old 07-25-2006, 05:47 PM   #9
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Default Re: Think before you speak.

man.. those were great
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Old 07-25-2006, 07:23 PM   #10
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Default Re: Think before you speak.

Fantastic!
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