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Old 05-26-2009, 01:20 AM   #1
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Default As Senior Year Wraps Up (A reflection and prediction)

So, I thought that as my senior year wraps up (done on the 2nd), I would reflect a little in my 1,000 post here on CF. Iím a pretty closed person typically, but I feel that maybe someone can hear my storyÖand maybe draw some meaning or similarities from it. Plus, itíll be a good brain teaser since Iím graduation as valedictorian (out of 95 or so..) and have to give a graduation speech at commencement.

Well, Iím an only childÖI canít say Iíve particularly liked it a lot or not. Itís gotten lonely at times, but at other times, itís been nice to feel like Iím the one whoís being been taken care of 100% by my parentsÖand it feels good to give back to them with all of my accomplishments that can, honestly, be pretty directly attributed to them and how I was raised. Iíve been overweight (Iím sure the hospital would like to call me morbidly obese, but I donít plan on dying anytime soonÖmore on that later) all of my life, and honestly, if youíve been skinny all of your life-I donít give a damn what you want to say to defend yourself-but, you just donít know what itís like. Itís not just being teased your whole life by others around you, itís the whole mindset and emotions that come with being overweight. You are constantly wondering how you lookÖwhat other people are probably thinking about youÖetc, etc. Itís just not been fun. I was overweight through 3rd grade, and then in 4th grade, I was diagnosed with depression, which put me on some pathetic meds till about 6th grade that made me gain even more weight. So Iíve probably been obese since 4th grade. I had always done well in school, and once I got to middle school (7th/8th grade), doing well became a cover up for my physical setbacks. I started to become a perfectionist, and if thereís one thing that I could change now, it would be that. All through high school I worked my ass off to show that I was more than what I looked like, and to my true friends and family, they knew it. Iíve had a 4.0+ GPA since 9th grade, and took college classes since 11th grade. Itís been a ride filled with pot holes and ditches, but Iím a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. So, looking back, I canít say that Iíd change anything. I know that all of these experiences have brought me to who I am today.

Iíve always tried to change along the way, but it never much mattered. I joined Weight Watchers in 8th grade, and me and my family all lost quite a bit of weight. However, out of all of us, my uncle was the only one to keep it off. I lost my 50 lbs, and gained it all back, plus some. It just came to a point where I still didnít feel good enough emotionally about myself that nothing mattered, I think. Well, Iíve finally come to realize that I need a permanent solution to my weight problem. Because until I feel comfortable with my weight, I wonít feel comfortable emotionally, and I know I wonít feel okay around other people. So next month, Iíll be going under the knife to have a non-invasive procedure done called the Lap Band (if you wanna know more, google it please). Itís completely reversible, but itís as effective as gastric bypass (again, google) and many friends of my familyís have lost upwards of 100 lbs or more, which would put me right where I want to be. Itís crazy to think that Iím 18 and want weight loss surgery, but itís something I know I have to do to make the emotional changes that will make me happy in the long run. Without God by my side, I donít know how Iíve even made it this far without everything going down the drain.

Anyways, so next year Iíll be headed to the University of Sioux Falls, South DakotaÖabout 2 hours from home (just right). No one is following me from my small town (aka, no one else I know will be thereÖnot even one person from my school) and I can say very proudly, I wouldnít have it any other way. I want a fresh start. By then, Iíll be about 30 pounds (give or take probably) lighter, and will probably feeling good, and I donít need any old memories or people to bring me down. Iíve got a half tuition/board scholarship worth $60,000 over 4 years which I plan to use in its entirety to get my Masters in Business (concentration in economics) with hopefully a minor/major in computers and a minor in music of some sort. I want to teach computers/business at the college level. Anyways, I just cannot stress enough how much I will not miss high school. No oneÖNO ONE could pay me to go back to high school. If I had the chance, Iíd tell a lot of people what I think of themÖin fact, I have. I donít have many friends, and to be honest, I could care less. Most of the friends I have had or have now, I am learning donít really give a sh*t about me anywaysÖIíve got one best friend, and sheís the only person whoís been through some of the same stuff as me and is still by my side. I just cannot wait to get the hell out of this small townÖto where I can start a new lifeÖnot a new chapter, but a whole new frickiní BOOK.

Without Faith, I donít know where Iíd be. God has truly been the only person Iíve been able to turn to at any/all times. One of the toughest things for me in high school was finding someone to be with. I finally found her my senior year, and I donít really know how it happened. I had felt bad about myself for so long that even to this day I donít understand fully how anyone could even give me a chance, but she did. Well, 5 months into things, she just wouldnít open up. I loved her with all of my heart, and I thought she felt the same. She was too attached to her parents. Always had a curfew, could never do anythingÖ.I got to see her once a week if I was lucky, whereas I was always shifting things around, pulling all nighters to get homework done to see her for just a few hours. I finally told her how I feltÖall that she had been putting me through, and basically, instead of trying to fix things or realize the situation, she told me she never really loved me and broke up with me. I still donít know how all of this unfoldedÖit was just so hard for me at the timeÖI had no one to lean on but her, and even she left.

Anyways, I just thought Iíd share this. Iíve been so stressed out as I come to my senior yearís end that Iíve just been needing to sit, relax, and calm down and just think about the very few days I have left that I have to put up with the situation Iím in. Iím feeling good just knowing the end is near. Iíve been rewarded so little for everything in high school, and I just know that itís been this way to make me strongerÖthat God has a plan and no matter how hard we wish or pray, he does whatís best for usÖand my best is yet to come. Itís all down-hill from here.

This wasnít written for you to judge me, either. This was written so that any of you who genuinely feel the same know that you are not alone and know that everything will be alright in the end. That the Lord will lead us to better things. If youíve read through this thing this far, I applaud you, and I wish you the best in whatever and wherever life and the Lord takes you. And know, that even if you do not believe in God..in Christianity..in being seated beside Him forever; I will still pray for youÖpray that you will have guidance and a peaceful life as well.

Zac
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Old 05-26-2009, 01:32 AM   #2
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Default Re: As Senior Year Wraps Up (A reflection and prediction)

I didn't read past the first sentences. But since you're valedictorian, I'm sure it's good.
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Old 05-26-2009, 01:37 AM   #3
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Default Re: As Senior Year Wraps Up (A reflection and prediction)

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Originally Posted by rohan23 View Post
I didn't read past the first sentences. But since you're valedictorian, I'm sure it's good.
Totally okay. It's more me venting and reflecting for self thought than anything
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Old 05-26-2009, 02:11 AM   #4
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Default Re: As Senior Year Wraps Up (A reflection and prediction)

Getting the weight off is a big step in the right direction but it won't resolved all the issues. My first wife had the tummy tuck done and she shed the weight. She lost a bunch at first then it fell off to smaller amounts over the following weeks. But it damn sure worked. She had no will power what so ever.
Any way keep your head up. like you said things happen for a reason. Guess that's why I can't to see what happens tomorrow.
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Old 05-26-2009, 05:35 PM   #5
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Default Re: As Senior Year Wraps Up (A reflection and prediction)

ill read it later when i have time.. read a little part then scrolled down and noticed it was a book =P just kiddin wit u hah
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Old 05-26-2009, 07:16 PM   #6
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Default Re: As Senior Year Wraps Up (A reflection and prediction)

i used to be really heavy in middle school (6th grade) (185 5 foot)
around 4th grade i gained a lot and then in 7th i was sick of it i couldnt stand it
i really urge u to avoid surgery
thats the weak way out
i stand before you 2day 155 5:10 and with a 9% body fat
working out losing weight its all in your mind its all one big barrier
you need to want to lose weight but u need to be willing to give it every thing. food is like a drug and its as addictive as heroin
every day u need to push your self drink water eat small portions of only good food
and every single day u need to work out no matter how tired u are and
going to the gym and doing 10 mins on the tredmill doesnt count
you need to push and pull untill u cant move any more
and ull hate life every day for the first few months
but then ull start to lose weight and feel good ull have more energie
and ull become addicited to working out instead of food
you wont be able to go a day with out working out
and ull have done it all on your own steam no short cuts in life
cuz short cuts in life dont work
they do nothing but hold u back
also joining a sport really helps
wrestling for me really helped get me in the right mind set
the getting stronger and cutting weight
and realizing that with out sacrifice there is no victory
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Old 05-26-2009, 11:17 PM   #7
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Default Re: As Senior Year Wraps Up (A reflection and prediction)

Wow. I feel like you are my twin or something...From what you are sharing I had it a little more rough. But Yeah I read the whole thing and I feel that we are very similar people my friend.
The new start will feel very good. I know I would love one...
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Old 05-27-2009, 12:16 AM   #8
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Wow. I feel like you are my twin or something...From what you are sharing I had it a little more rough. But Yeah I read the whole thing and I feel that we are very similar people my friend.
The new start will feel very good. I know I would love one...
Feel free to share in a PM to me or something. I would actually like to know. And I'm a pretty good listener! It's a lot easier to understand someones situation when you have personal experience.

As for esa's post, the thing is, this is one of my last options. I didn't include everything I've tried, but everything I've tried has failed. And weight loss surgery is not the weak way out...in fact, if anything, gastric bypass is the weak way out (the results are very immediate and a permanent fix). The Lap Band is a tool that will stay with me for the rest of my life. During life's stresses, hardships, and joys it will be there helping me. And that's the think people don't understand. The Lap Band isn't a cure all, I'll still be exercising (more toning and cardio than anything) to keep my body in check when I start to lose the weight. I know that you may think that a strict regimen of work outs can cure every weight problem, but that just isn't true. For a year I tried that, and it was a roller coaster just like everything else has been. Don't get me wrong, I think it's wonderful if people can lose weight and get in shape by exercising and eating right, but it's just not feasible for me anymore. I'm not getting mad at you esa, but I think as I move forward, the hardest part of this will be people seeing this how you are--that I've given up on everything or haven't tried hard enough and that I've failed and sought the easiest way out...which, isn't true in the least. So just stay open...if there's one thing I can tell you about life, it's to take everything in and out smoothly...don't judge or argue because it doesn't fully agree with what your instincts or feelings are. It's just a lot more peaceful and enjoyable that way

For anyone who read my book ^, thanks ...I know it's frickin long haha. But like I said, it was more to really think about everything right now...write it down and vent. So thank you everyone for not doing any judging
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Old 05-29-2009, 10:44 PM   #9
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Default Re: As Senior Year Wraps Up (A reflection and prediction)

Just focus on want you want to do for a career, and work on it. dont let anything distract you. Nothing matters more right now than working for your future

Everything else will come together Zac
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Old 05-30-2009, 12:41 AM   #10
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Default Re: As Senior Year Wraps Up (A reflection and prediction)

Zac,

I read it all and I'm glad I did! It's awesome to see someone who has such faith in Christ and in the hope of a new day. I can't say that I've been through the same situation, but at least even on a superficial level, I can tell that it's been a tough road for you. However, you didn't give up on it and by always moving forward, you've given yourself a chance at a new start. That same persistence is only going to make your new start that much better as it goes on. It's good to know that you realize God is by your side and there with you through it all. We're told that He never gives us more than we can handle. He knew every step of your life before it happened and He's going to lead you to amazing things. I saw vampist's post and told him I admired his courage and heart - I can easily say the same for you. Many props to you!

Plus, as the saying goes, every setback is a setup for a comeback!

Good luck on your speech and keep us updated on everything!

It's always dark before the dawn.
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