Random Chit Chat

[Technician1]

SG, your fear is commitment.

I don't have that fear but I don't care for it. I will not give up my freedom for anything and that includes marriage. I can't keep girlfriends because they want commitments.

To hell with that.

When I got married I didn't loose any freedom at all. I just got someone to do those things right along with me.
I do what I want to just like I did when I was single but now there is someone else doing it too.
It might be a perception thing but I don't see any negatives to marriage. It might also be who you choose to be with and whether they want to control you or join you on your journey through life.
My nephew is married to a psychiatrist who is very controlling. I couldn't live with her but he is extremely easy going and seems to be fine with it. They have been together for 11 years since high school and been married for 2 years.

 

[foothead]

It might be a perception thing but I don't see any negatives to marriage.

It is most definitely a perception thing. Some people simply cannot cope with the expectations placed upon them in relationships. I am one of those people.

 

[iPwn]

When I got married I didn't loose any freedom at all.

Sure you did, you simply don't perceive it that way. For example, I imagine if you wanted to invite cheap hookers over for a cocaine filled night... the wife probably wouldn't approve of that. Whatever the reasoning, you've sacrificed certain opportunities to be with this person.

The issue is not whether or not you make sacrifices, but whether the sacrifices you make are worth the shared adventure. Some cannot justify such sacrifice, or pretend to and find out that's not what they wanted, and others do so freely as they see more benefit than loss.

As you said, it truly is all about perception.

It is most definitely a perception thing. Some people simply cannot cope with the expectations placed upon them in relationships. I am one of those people.

Then find a person that doesn't place conditions on your worthiness. As I've said previously in side conversations, those people exist and the experience is truly one of awe. Just hard to find.

 

[foothead]

Then find a person that doesn't place conditions on your worthiness. As I've said previously in side conversations, those people exist and the experience is truly one of awe. Just hard to find.

While that is certainly an issue with which I struggle, what I was referring to in this case were practical expectations. I tend to feel utterly trapped by even the simplest of these. The only way I could engage in a relationship would be if I were allowed to make just about every rule.

For example, most people tend to get deeply upset if their romantic partner doesn't speak to them for weeks. This type of thing is normal for me, however. The expectation of social contact on any regular interval causes a deep sense of anxiety, which is ultimately more negative than any positives I get out of the relationship. It is the same with pretty much any other expectation of what I should or should not do. If you reread the rest of your post, it's a fairly apt description of what I experience. Even if the expectation is of something I would normally engage in, the simple fact that it's suddenly expected of me makes it unbearable.

In the past, I have attempted dating. I even found someone who was as close to perfect as I can realistically expect to find. Unfortunately, it couldn't work out for the above reason. I did like her, but I simply couldn't cope with the realities of being in a relationship.

 

[~mr mixx~]

I wish I could join in on this convo but tbh I don't have a lot to say about myself. I am though afraid of big heights. I tend to get dizzy if I am looking down from a big height.

That is one of the biggest reasons I will never be able to go on a balloon ride. I think I would have a heart attack if I did.

 

[iPwn]

Your perception of there being a problem, is the problem.

A man with Agoraphobia lived with the condition for years. It got so bad that the man refused to leave his house. It got to a point where the individual decided to take his own life. Seeing as how said person was not willing to do so directly, he decided to drive to a local cliffside and jump. On his way, it suddenly occurred to him that he was outside of his comfort zone and there really was nothing to be afraid of. His anxiety was the only limit. Once he inadvertently stepped through it, his agoraphobia was gone. Can provide source upon request.

Hopefully some day you will meet someone who really brings you out of you. I don't mean that in a romantic way exclusively either, just that; the right person can completely change your view of life. I know this from personal experience. Losing that person was effing devastating... to the point of medical issues from the stress, but I would go through the pain a thousand times over just to have one more day of the absolute nirvana I had with said person.

Also, expectations are typically self imposed. You're already describing "expectations" that don't exist. It's possible they manifest, but not guaranteed. You're talking yourself out of going for a swim because the pool is empty... but you've never seen the pool.

 

[~mr mixx~]

Sorry I haven't been on lately guys but I have been busy this week and to make things worse it snowed here today...can you believe this crap.

Man, I thought we were all done with Winter...but nooo.

 

[Wallaby Dan]

Thats ok, We are under Tornado watch and right now the winds are kicking over 40 mph!! Not sure how much longer i will be on as we could loose electric or the storms could knock out sat. Winds that strong like to move the dishes.

 

[~mr mixx~]

Wow, I hope it doesn't get bad there Dan. A few days ago we had a server hail storm here that had hail coming down the size of ping pong balls....and I got all kinds of dents on my car now....this sucks.

 

[Wallaby Dan]

Mine has dents in it too! I have replaced the windshield several times now. Used to that. I just don't like twisters. I can live with the rest. Bad part is i have a weather station thats on-line to weather underground and national weather service. I have been having missing packets all day. Wind can move that dish just enough to cause loss of signal and if it gets real bad total los. I don't like that as they depend on our readings. Well see how this week turns out. Supposed to have bad weather for the next 7 days here.