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Old 11-23-2006, 10:24 PM   #1
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Post Quick car care lesson for the guys.

1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December 1992 in the left boob.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Drive car 1 quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be time for another oil change.
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それ自身による剣規則何も。それは熟練した処理によってしか生き生きして来ない。
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Old 11-23-2006, 10:26 PM   #2
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Default Re: Quick car care lesson for the guys.

don't forget to poor sugar in the gas tank so it burns easier....
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Old 11-23-2006, 10:28 PM   #3
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Default Re: Quick car care lesson for the guys.

haha....I've seen that....

The version I've seen is a little different, it compares women to men changing oil. The mans part is all that but somehow ends up in jail. Then the womens part is:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube

lmao
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Old 11-23-2006, 10:32 PM   #4
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Default Re: Quick car care lesson for the guys.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tommy Boy
haha....I've seen that....

The version I've seen is a little different, it compares women to men changing oil. The mans part is all that but somehow ends up in jail. Then the womens part is:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube

lmao
You got me. I cut out the part about the women. It was something like, pull into a jiffy lube. Get coffee, wait 20 minutes, pay 20 bucks. leave.
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Building a "Mac PC" . . . . $???
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Building a business . . . . $Still counting.
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それ自身による剣規則何も。それは熟練した処理によってしか生き生きして来ない。
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Old 11-23-2006, 10:37 PM   #5
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Default Re: Quick car care lesson for the guys.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clutch
You got me. I cut out the part about the women. It was something like, pull into a jiffy lube. Get coffee, wait 20 minutes, pay 20 bucks. leave.
Yeah, thats what it was.

lol...only takes me about 20-30 mins to change the oil in my car, but thats just because I let the oil drain out for a long time to make sure it all gets drained.
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Old 11-23-2006, 10:41 PM   #6
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Default Re: Quick car care lesson for the guys.

I'm just too lazy to do it any more. I'll pull an engine apart on a car that don't run before I change the oil in my DD. Sh!t, if I remember correctly, I'm about 3000 over due again. Oops. Ahh, I just added a clean quart. I'm good for a while.

A friends of mines car was so shitty he didn't bother with oil changes. The thing burnt/leaked oil, so he would just throw a qt. in here or there and every 5-6 months he'd change the filter.
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それ自身による剣規則何も。それは熟練した処理によってしか生き生きして来ない。
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Old 11-23-2006, 10:46 PM   #7
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Default Re: Quick car care lesson for the guys.

Yeah.....I let my car go on oil changes for a long time before....Not a good thing. I ended up having to have the lifters replaced because they were making all kinds of tapping noises all the time. Now I change it every 3000 religously using high mileage oil (113,000 plus miles)
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Old 11-23-2006, 10:56 PM   #8
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Default Re: Quick car care lesson for the guys.

My last car (got rid of it about 1 1/2 years ago) had a leaky oil pan gasket. I lost all but a qt. of oil and drove like that for about 3 months before I realized I had no oil. I fixed the gasket and re-filled the crank-case. My car hated me and drove like crap for weeks!! It lost all power, was slow as balls, just sucked after that. Than I checked the level one day and I had burnt off about 3/4 a qt. I filled it up and un-knowingly, left the oil cap off. A few months go by and I figured, "Okay, time for an oil change." look under the hod, there is oil everywhere!! Thank god the cap fell between the battery and the inner fender! Samn thing, got her filled up and she drove like ass for weeks!!!

I beat on the one I have now and I'm paying the price. I need a new suspension (about 300, plus time spend doing install and whatever tools I don't have) and heads. I developed a slight tap, well, a little more than slight, from romping on it a bit. Every one sleeps on me cause I drive a Buick LeSabre. I've showed everyone who has slept on me what this old man car can do, until the suspension is needed!! Damn "dynaride"!
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Building a "Mac PC" . . . . $???
Restoring a 40 year old Mustang . . . . $40K~
Building a business . . . . $Still counting.
Being this damn broke . . . . Priceless!

それ自身による剣規則何も。それは熟練した処理によってしか生き生きして来ない。
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Old 11-23-2006, 11:06 PM   #9
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Default Re: Quick car care lesson for the guys.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clutch
Damn "dynaride"!
Dude, my grandma has that in her car!.....haha

Your lucky the engine didn't just die on you from all that mistreating. Driving on 1 qt of oil.

My brothers old car, a Cavalier Z-24, had a leaky transmission. Leaked all over the place, I mean he was putting fluid in it once a week. Well he forgot to check it for a while and drove it around like that. He doesn't really have a particularly heavy foot, but he finally remembered to check the fluid. It was too late, the tranny started slipping BAD and he had to get rid of it. He sold it to some kid for like 500 bucks. 3 months later saw it sitting on some back road dead.
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Old 11-23-2006, 11:11 PM   #10
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Default Re: Quick car care lesson for the guys.

How could you not notice your oil cap was off?
One time I had mine changed and they left it off... about 2 miles down the road there was tons of smoke boiling out of the hood. Needless to say I got a free oil change. lol
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