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Old 01-24-2007, 04:56 AM   #1
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Talking Quantas fault reports

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"

which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems & document their repairs on the form, and


pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots

(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance


By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute


S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

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Old 01-24-2007, 05:47 AM   #2
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Default Re: Quantas fault reports

I like it!!!!
AMD Athlon 64, 2200 (11x200) 3700+,ASRock 939S56-M, SiS 756 AMD Hammer,NVIDIA GeForce 6600LE, 2048(DDR SDRAM), Maxtor 5A300J0 300GB 5400RPM, Ultra ATA/133)

Time tells all, but if the moment in time passes and you miss it, then you will remember it for ever!!
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