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Old 11-06-2006, 06:39 PM   #1
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Default Ponderisms......

Got this email today and it made me laugh, just thought I'd share.


PONDERISMS



I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.



Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.



The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.



Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.



There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.



Life is sexually transmitted.



Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.



The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.





Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.





Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?



Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again



All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.



In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.





How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?





Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"



Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."



Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?



If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?



If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?



Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?









Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?





Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Old 11-06-2006, 06:42 PM   #2
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Default Re: Ponderisms......

hahah i like the cow/chicken ones

it sounds like mitch hedburg type jokes


(oh and btw, i have a light in my freezer, lol)
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Old 11-06-2006, 07:02 PM   #3
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Default Re: Ponderisms......

Quote:
Originally Posted by Copperhead

it sounds like mitch hedburg type jokes
haha.....yeah.

Kinda like:

"I'm tired of chasing my dreams....I'll just find out where they're going and hook up with 'em later"
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Old 11-06-2006, 07:10 PM   #4
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Default Re: Ponderisms......

Some of those are very amusing
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Old 11-06-2006, 07:10 PM   #5
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Default Re: Ponderisms......

Quote:
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Hahaha no kidding!
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Old 11-06-2006, 08:50 PM   #6
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Default Re: Ponderisms......

Those are so awesome. That's D-Lew logic right there.
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Old 11-06-2006, 09:31 PM   #7
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Default Re: Ponderisms......

Here's some more things to ponder that i got in a e-mail a while back. I think a couple might be repeats but im just copying and pasting the whole thing anyway.

- Can you cry under water?
- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
- Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?
- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
- What disease did cured ham actually have?
- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
like every two hours?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
- Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
- Why do people pay to go up into tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
- Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
- Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
- Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song
about him?
- Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
- If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
- Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
- Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!
- If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why
didn't he just buy dinner?
- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
- Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?
- Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
- Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
- Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the
window?
- Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
- Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there's not enough?
- Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
- Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
- Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
- Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
- Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
- If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
- Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?
- Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?
- Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
- Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
- How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
- Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off
the table you always manage to knock something else over?
- In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
- How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
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Old 11-06-2006, 09:42 PM   #8
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Default Re: Ponderisms......

Quote:
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Hmm?? LOL!!

Quote:
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
That makes me think.. Why are there only Homo sapiens around? If there are still apes why isn't there a new race of man evolved yet? Did I even say that right?
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Old 11-06-2006, 10:53 PM   #9
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Default Re: Ponderisms......

Quote:
Originally Posted by Distortion88
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
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Old 11-06-2006, 11:00 PM   #10
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Default Re: Ponderisms......

Ahah...lol, i love it.
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