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Old 11-29-2006, 05:47 PM   #1
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Post whats your opinion?

For english class I need to write a paper, and need as many opinions as possible, so please leave comments on how I could improve my paper...thanks, also sorry about the length.

Mr. Hadden p.3
English A
A Perilous Trip
I started out on the trail with my father and Uncle Tom on horseback for the start of our annual fall hunting trip in the deep woods of Colorado. Our plan was to split up, my father was to go west, Uncle Tom would go north, and I would go east. We split up as planned and were to meet back at our base camp in six hours.

My father was about six foot tall, had peppered hair, and was rugged with scrapes, and scars from rough experiences in the wild. On his trip west he didnít encounter any resistance in the forest. And saw a large buck a few hours down the trail, which was excellent for us to be able to eat for several weeks.

My uncle, who was a few years younger than my father still had some youngness in him, took the hardest of the three trails to travel. There were small foothills, and creeks to traverse which wasnít a challenge to him because he was a lifelong horseback rider, and experienced hunter.

Being the youngest I got the easiest trail to travel. I was twenty five years old, and was raised in these woods so I knew it well and was confident in myself that I would return safely. As I made my way down the trail I heard a rustling in some ground brush, so I dismounted and picked up my rifle in case a prize winning buck jumped out of the brush. I tried to sneak up as close as I could so I would have a good shot at the animal. When I got about fifteen feet away the rustling suddenly stopped, my heart sank thinking that I had scared away the game, but it started to come closer and my hopes were restored until I heard a high short cry, and suddenly a small black cub came playfully out of the brush and froze when he saw me. Followed by him were two other cubs and a large female black bear. I was frozen while she pulled up on her hind legs and produced a bone chilling growl. Then she started to charge towards me while I was frozen staring straight at her not knowing what to do. When she finally reached me I was knocked off my feet and my rifle was thrown from my hand just out of reach. She targeted my left thigh where she ripped off my skin and layers of muscle. She continued gnawing and scratching at me with her razor sharp claws until I was able to distract her by hitting her with a stick. I then crawled over to where my gun had been lying, picked it up and shot off three rounds into the black bear that scurried away from me, but I knew that she would not survive soon she would collapse and end up starving to death, but it was inevitable, if I hadnít shot at her then I wouldnít have lived. The greatest of my challenges had yet to begin. My leg was useless, so I was stranded on the ground without the use of one leg and blood dripping down my body from scratches, I looked at my horse who was spooked by the bear, like a stranded person on the sea looks at salt water, I wasnít going to be able to mount the horse with a wounded leg, there for it was useless. I decided to sling my rifle over my shoulder and start crawling back, following the tracks I had left coming here until I reached the main trail. From there I would need to navigate the fourteen miles back to base camp. I could only hope that when my father and uncle returned to camp they would send out a search for me.

When the moon was high over me I finally noticed a deep panting, and saw a bright light that I recognized as a lantern so I started yelling as loud as I could, but I was still exhausted from the attack and the open wound on my leg, so it was a weak moan that I managed to get out, but they heard it and came my way, it was my father on horseback. He slung me on the saddle in front of him and went as fast as he could to the other base camp where the doctor was waiting to treat me. I went inside a tent where he treated me with some limited medicine through the night, and determined that my wound was gangrenous and it was spreading almost fast enough to see it spread up my body, but I must survive through the night because in the morning a medical helicopter will be able to land at the camp to airlift me to a hospital seventy five miles away.

When the helicopter came in the morning I was air lifted to the hospital where the doctors had to perform an emergency surgery and remove nearly all of the muscle and tendons in my left thigh, and treat the other deep scratches from the bearís claws. I ended up being able to keep my leg, but had to go through rigorous physical therapy to regain control of my leg and rebuild the little muscle left in my leg.

I never ended up going hunting again; the risks in my opinion were too great. My father decided to never go hunting again as well. He didnít think almost losing a son was worth the game you would collect from the dayís trip. As for my uncle he continued to hunt, but learning from my severe lesson never split up to try and cover more ground, he always stuck in a group when he went and was careful about the places they went.
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Old 11-29-2006, 06:32 PM   #2
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Default Re: A Perilous Trip(Narrative Paper Opinion)

Nobody wants to look?
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Old 11-30-2006, 04:27 PM   #3
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Default Re: A Perilous Trip(Narrative Paper Opinion)

Well, this is my last attempt seeing as its due tommorrow, enjoy...
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