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Old 12-13-2006, 11:10 PM   #1
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Default Peer edit anyone?

Quote:

One of the newest and fastest spreading sports is snowboarding.

As this sport has come along, several stereotypes have been formed. One outstanding one is that all snowboarders are reckless teenagers who should go home. Well, it is true for the most part, but there are also exceptions. The safe ones. The key to snowboarding is safety. A good rider is a safe rider. A boarder must always follow the unspoken code of responsibility. Boarders must also protect themselves. If safety is not taken seriously, snowboarding can be dangerous. Dangers include overtaking other boarders/skiers and performing a “blind jumps” (i.e. Going over the jump with out knowing what or who is on the other side).

But aside from being reckless, there is a lighter side of snowboarding, because not everyone is reckless. There is lots of harmless fun involved with this sport, that would be something along the lines of a terrain park or a downhill competition. These are controlled environments that are solely for entertainment. Though keep in mind, controlled environments doesn't necessarily mean it is 100% safe. Accidents still occur, and with the new, inventive things that teens now-a-days are doing, an accident is actually more or less imminent.

Hey, let me tell you, snowboarding is no at all as easy at it looks. If you skate you have a semi good idea of how to handle yourself. But if you don't skate and your just beginning to snowboard, your in for a rude surprise. Getting the basic essentials down is tough stuff. First you need to gather your balance to just stand. Second, you learn to hop. This is when you are traveling up hit. You literally “hop” your board up the hill horizontally while still attached. After you get those two its time to go up the mountain to learn boarding physics. Because, at first, it is a difficult skill to be propelled down the mountain while facing to the right on left depending on your stance. It takes some getting used to, but in the end it definitely pays off.

So overall, snowboarding is a great sport, very fast growing and even gives you something to do during the winter to stay in shape for spring sports at school. Disregarding the countless reckless teens that are on the slopes, there are still a few sane teens. Also, with the competitions and such out there, the reckless teens have a place to go, to harness their carelessness and capture their aggressive spirits and thus put them to good use, out of the sight and minds of others, into a place where they can only hurt themselves.

So far thats it. Im still working on a third paragraph and a conclusion.

But for now, are there any glaring problems with it?

And can you think of a sub-topic to start off the third paragraph?
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Old 12-14-2006, 01:14 AM   #2
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Default Re: Peer edit anyone?

Im emailing it now, so if I fail this, ill ban you all because of the non support. Haha

Just kidding.
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Old 12-14-2006, 01:44 AM   #3
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Default Re: Peer edit anyone?

Write some thing to help me with surfing. I'm headed to sunny Fla to take a job in a few days.
As for what you wrote, looks good.
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Old 12-14-2006, 03:06 PM   #4
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Default Re: Peer edit anyone?

Pretty good, but I see two obvious issues skimming over it, I'll bold my corrections for you:

"...there are also exceptions. The safe ones."
The last sentence there is a fragment. do it like this:
"...there are also exceptions: the safe ones."

Another one,
"So overall, snowboarding is a great sport, very fast growing and even gives you something to do during the winter to stay in shape for spring sports at school."

That's what you call a comma splice, it's a kind of run-on sentence that they will hammer you for in college. In this case, use a semicolon.

"So overall, snowboarding is a great sport; it is very fast growing and even gives you something to do during the winter to stay in shape for spring sports at school."

You could probably even rephrase this so it flows better, something like
"So overall, snowboarding is a great sport; it is very fast growing and can be a great way of staying in shape for spring sports in school."

In short, use a colon if you have an incomplete sentence behind it, and a semicolon if you have an independent clause that needs separating (basically, if you could read it as a complete sentence, but you want to keep it within one sentence). This will make your writing look much stronger.
There ya go, hope this helps.
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