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Old 12-05-2006, 01:43 PM   #1
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Default It only happens in movies

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.

4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.

6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party).

12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard.

15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).

17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

20. All single women have a cat.

21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.

27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

28. It is not necessary to say Hello or Goodbye when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying Hello? Hello? repeatedly.

29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone's Law).

30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.

32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.

38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.

39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).

40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).
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Old 12-05-2006, 02:03 PM   #2
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Default Re: It only happens in movies

Lol
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Old 12-05-2006, 02:19 PM   #3
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Default Re: It only happens in movies

Haha, so true. I get fed up with those sometimes. I mean I was watching Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life and Angelina Jolie is a one woman army. She nearly falls off a cliff and miraculously hangs on while everyone dies. The heroes always survive somehow.
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Old 12-05-2006, 03:59 PM   #4
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Default Re: It only happens in movies

yeah it's funny how a lot of movies are meant to fool us into being plausible when if you actually think about it really isn't or the chances are so unlikely that you might as well consider the odds as being zero, yet, somehow the movie defies all that and a "no chance in hell" situation occurs (and quite frequently at that). Pretty lame but still manages to entertain us.
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Old 12-05-2006, 04:37 PM   #5
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Default Re: It only happens in movies

hhaha i know all of these movies, lmao
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Old 12-05-2006, 04:38 PM   #6
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Default Re: It only happens in movies

Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
- can i say die hard 2, executive decision?? lol
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Old 12-05-2006, 04:44 PM   #7
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Default Re: It only happens in movies

sometimes I just enjoy laughing at movies/tv shows because they are so unrealistic. CSI is one of my favorites. 1st of all, with about 30 seconds of editing with their ber software a blurry picture from a cheap video camera becomes an image with great quality, even though it's digitally zoomed 50x.
Also it puzzles me that how come everytime when they have no clue where or when the murder happened, they find an insect in the body. And of course the insect is some weird magical mongolian butterfly which only resides in a 20m x 20m area in the whole world. Also, finding eggs of that same insect (which they always find) means that they can accurately calculate the moment the dude was killed.
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Old 12-05-2006, 04:52 PM   #8
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Default Re: It only happens in movies

lol nice!
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Old 12-05-2006, 05:20 PM   #9
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Default Re: It only happens in movies

19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
gotta be my favorite^^^
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Old 12-05-2006, 05:42 PM   #10
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Default Re: It only happens in movies

Hahah, those are brilliant. Everyone one is funny!@
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