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Old 07-27-2005, 03:29 PM   #1
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Default Nerd jokes

Here's my thread for all nerd related jokes. Post all computer humour and geek humour here!

I'll start.


You're in a Chinese restaurant, and your fortune cookie says "Outlook Not so good". You're a nerd if your response is "Yes, but Microsoft sells it anyway."

* quietly shuffles away *
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Old 07-27-2005, 03:31 PM   #2
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Default Re: Nerd jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by malbuc87uk
Here's my thread for all nerd related jokes. Post all computer humour and geek humour here!

I'll start.


You're in a Chinese restaurant, and your fortune cookie says "Outlook Not so good". You're a nerd if your response is "Yes, but Microsoft sells it anyway."

* quietly shuffles away *
*Chases you with a stick*

That was alright, I don't like Microsoft. I've been using my dad's laptop with linux and linspire.
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Old 07-27-2005, 05:06 PM   #3
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Default Re: Nerd jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by BobTheLOL
*Chases you with a stick*

That was alright, I don't like Microsoft. I've been using my dad's laptop with linux and linspire.
What is your obsession with chasing people with sticks at the moment
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Old 07-27-2005, 05:27 PM   #4
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Default Re: Nerd jokes

>You know you're living in 2005 when...
>
>1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
>
>2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
>
>3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
>
>4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
>
>5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
>they don't have e-mail addresses.
>
>6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a
>business manner.
>
>7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an
>outside line.
>
>8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
>different companies.
>
>10. You learn about your redundancy on the 10 O'clock news.
>
>11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
>
>12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your mobile phone to see if
>anyone is home.
>
>13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the
>screen.
>
>14. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn't have
>the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic
>... and you turn around to go and get it.
>
>15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
>
>16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
>
>17.. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
>
>18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
>message.
>
>19. You are too busy to notice there was no No9 on this list.
>
>20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No9 on
>this list.
>
>AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

- friend emailed me that th other day
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Old 07-27-2005, 05:54 PM   #5
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Default Re: Nerd jokes

every thing there fits pretty much to a T except the cell phone. Not that I am against them or that I can't get one....just that when everyone knows that you don't have one then when you go to get away......YOU CAN.
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Old 07-27-2005, 05:59 PM   #6
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Default

I have posted these before, but for the new members who have not seen them here they are...

Error Message In Haiku Format

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen
Dies so beautifully.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire;
The network is down.

The Web site you seek
Cannot be located
But endless others exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent and reboot.
Order shall return.

Aborted effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask far too much.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Rather than a beep,
Or a rude error message,
These words: file not found.

Compiler error.
Code, like wives, may still work
Too bad, yours did not.

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence;
My Novel" not found.

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao until
You bring fresh toner.

Windows ME crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Serious error.
All Shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

I ate your Web page.
Forgive me; it was tasty
And tart on my tongue

Forces in balance:
Yin and Yang, your program has
Mistakes up the latter
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Old 07-27-2005, 06:17 PM   #7
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Default Re: Nerd jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by David Lindon
What is your obsession with chasing people with sticks at the moment
Bored
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Old 07-27-2005, 06:52 PM   #8
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Default Re: Nerd jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by BobTheLOL
Bored
Well, get a life...
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Old 07-27-2005, 08:38 PM   #9
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Default Re: Nerd jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by matt
>You know you're living in 2005 when...
>
>1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
>
>2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
>
>3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
>
>4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
>
>5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
>they don't have e-mail addresses.
>
>6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a
>business manner.
>
>7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an
>outside line.
>
>8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
>different companies.
>
>10. You learn about your redundancy on the 10 O'clock news.
>
>11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
>
>12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your mobile phone to see if
>anyone is home.
>
>13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the
>screen.
>
>14. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn't have
>the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic
>... and you turn around to go and get it.
>
>15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
>
>16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
>
>17.. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
>
>18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
>message.
>
>19. You are too busy to notice there was no No9 on this list.
>
>20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No9 on
>this list.
>
>AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

- friend emailed me that th other day
freaking funny
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Old 07-27-2005, 11:03 PM   #10
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Default Re: Nerd jokes

Top 20 Ways Microsoft Would Change The Auto Industry

20. The radio would be computerized, but you'd need to install 64 Meg of RAM, a new sound card, a game card, a new video driver, a CD drive, and type C:\radio\talk\rush*.* to get it to play.

19. The entire engine wouldn't be in the bay at once, and the car would have to keep stopping and starting to load in the relevant parts.

18. The speedometer would read 70 even though you are only doing 50.

17. You would have to have a full service every 500 miles.

16. Your car would refuse to start with a message "Abort, Retry, Fail?"

15. For some reason the engine controller would need a 1G hard disc and would take 5 minutes to boot up.

14. The steering wheel would be replaced with a mouse and you'd need to memorize the keyboard short-cut for "Brake".

13. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year- instead of before it.

12. They wouldn't build their own engines but form a cartel with their engine supplier. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

11. The air bag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. New seats would require everyone to have the same butt size.

9. We would all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.

8. The U.S. government would be forced to rebuild all of the roads for Microsoft cars; they will drive on the old roads, but they run very slowly.

7. The oil, alternator, gas and engine warning lights would be replaced by a single 'General Car Fault' warning light.

6. Sun MotorSystems would make a car that was solar-powered, twice as reliable and five times as fast, but would run on only 5% of the roads.

5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.

4. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car95 or CarNT -- but then you would have to buy ten more seats and a new engine.

3. Occasionally, your car would die for NO apparent reason and you would have to restart it. Strangely, you would just accept this as normal.

3a. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this, too.

2. Every time the lines of the road were repainted, you would have to buy a new car.

1. People would get excited about the new features of the latest Microsoft cars, forgetting that these same features had been available from other car makers for years
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