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Old 11-18-2009, 10:00 PM   #11
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

I totally and completely understand where you are coming from.
I live with my mother, my disabled brother, and my grandfather.
My grandfather is a narcissistic functioning alcoholic, who is verbally abusive to anyone he deems "stupid" or below him.
Basically to start off; this includes, women, children, animals, and black people.
Take note that he is 76, but recently went to the doctor where the doctor said he has the body of a 50 year old. He is still very active in work and daily life. This is not some crippled old man that you think of when you think "grandfather".

Most of the people here have read my story and know that my life was not easy. One day back in high school I was having a mental break down, and my grandfather back hand me a crossed the face. This was before all my counseling and anyone had learned what I had been through. Only I knew.
But he waited until my mother went to the bathroom, then proceeded to lie about it.
From that day forward I hated him.

Well some years later, I am much more developed (19 almost 20 years old).

When I was 17 my mother comes up stairs on the verge of crying talking about how he treats her.
The next day when everyone was away, I laid it on him.
How he's a drunk, an ass****, that I completely hate him, and wished he was dead. If it wasn't for he isn't worth going to jail over I would kill him my self.
He was speechless and scared sh**less. I told him if he ever touched or spoke to my mother in that tone of voice again I would kill him.

From there on he has not once treated my family with disrespect in my presence. He NEVER crosses me, if I say something it's law.
I will not take shit from him, it's done.


At this point he is just the drunk ass I have to live with.


What I suggest you do is not to ever agree with what he is saying.
But just be quiet about it, don't do anything for or with him avoid him as much as possible. Wait until you are older.. or are you older? how old are you?

Another good idea would be to talk with your older brother I am sure he has some advice that could help.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:06 PM   #12
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

This one might land you a black eye, but if he thinks about this shit later like I know I would after doing something stupid, throw him this line, "You can keep arguing like a bitch, we both know you don't know shit about what you are saying, or you can calm yourself like a man from the 'real world' and listen to what I have to say."

What is it your dad does that's so manly?

I know you are pissed off inside, but DO NOT show your emotions to him, do not let him get what he wants. Show him you are the stronger man but controlling yourself.
You might have to play dirty to make him realize he is being stupid. Get the cops involved if you need to. You don't have to press charges, but it might do him good to spend a night in jail. And if he has to spend longer than a month, he will meet the men that can beat him up...

My dad has anger issues that he trys to solve. It seems after having any alcohol at all, his fuze is shotern to 1/8 of its previous length. He has gotten pretty damn angry before, and he hasn't tried to do much to hurt me ever, he gets PISSED. I do what I said, calmly say what I want after he is out of breath, and walk away. He usually fumes in the kitchen or his garage or goes for a car ride, and comes back to my room about 3 hours later, and apologizes. I don't let it sit at that sometimes. Now I know he is listening, so I throw in the final punch with, "You do this constantly, and everytime you apologize, and yet it happens again. Why?" He usually gets pretty humble then, and basically, I have a tough time making him feel like that after being man enough to apologize, but it really makes him think.




START LIFTING! So calming, I hardly ever get angry. And when I do, I never show it to the person I am angry at. Be the tougher, bigger, and smarter man.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:14 PM   #13
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

I can't agree with Vampist more. Avoid the conflict as this kind of egotistical behavior normally means violence will ensue. I don't know your or his physique so I can't exactly say how that would turn out. But, to the best of your abilities, ignore or avoid him. Don't blatantly ignore him to his face - the goal is to spend as little time near him as possible until you can get the hell out of there. Personally, I would have already hit him or knifed him, but I have VERY small tolerance for parents acting like little children or worse yet, threatening children.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:24 PM   #14
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

He pays the bills. That's his excuse in EVERY argument. If he has nothing else to hit on it's "who pays the bills?". For some reason he thinks that entitles him to treat his family like shit.

My dad usually always apologizes but I never have accepted it. Last time he told me to "get the f*** out!" which really hit me at the core, I'd never been spoken to like that by anybody in my entire life and to hear it unsuspectingly from my own father, really really bothered me.

I'm going to talk to my brother about all this, that always helps since he's been through the exact same situation. All I have to look forward to is getting away from him. People always say I'll miss home, they don't understand what it's like at home. I'm truly excited to get off to college and enjoy freedom away from him.

To add more to the story..
Monday night we got a bit of snow here in Topeka, not a whole lot but enough to turn parking lots into a slightly slick slush. I went to Wal-Mart to buy some Christmas lights for the scout Troop I help run along with my chase partner, keep in mind my dad's outlook on storm chasing. I pull into the parking lot at about 15 mph, mind you this is in the back of the parking lot. As I near a cart return station, there's a car sitting just to the left with brake lights on. As I approach there is an oncoming car and this idiot (both reverse lights out) starts to back up VERY fast. I couldn't go left because of oncoming cars, didn't want to hit him and didn't have time to brake so I turned right and slammed on the brakes ultimately hitting the cart return and screwing up the front of my Tblazer pretty good.

I got home, showed the damage to my dad and he was VERY understanding (I was quite surprised). He simply said "shit happens, there wasn't anything you could do, don't worry about it, we'll get it fixed" also saying it was a good thing I didn't hit an actual car.

I get home tonight from work, and say hey like usual and could instantly tell he was upset about something. He instantly hits on the subject of the Tblazer, which I wasn't upset about. I knew I was at fault, I was paying for it but I also knew there wasn't really anything I could do to avoid the situation. Being 10 ft away from a car backing up quickly doesn't give anybody on the face of this planet time to apply the brakes in time. So he says I should've been paying more attention to what I was doing and driving according to the conditions, and I calmly stated that I was going slow enough and asked how I could've avoided a car that previously had their brake lights on just idling in the parking lot which suddenly began to backup. He instantly started to get pissed off and attacked my driving skills, not really a big deal but it did start to get me worked up since Monday it was "shit happens, don't worry about it" and now it's "you should've slowed down and you could've avoided this".

He said that if I didn't have my head up J*****'s ass (my chase partner) and wasn't in such a hurry to go park next to him while thinking about storm chasing, this could've been avoided. That really set me off and confused me. Why the hell would I be thinking about storm chasing while going to get christmas lights? Literally every small thing I do these days he blames on me being side-tracked from storm chasing and firefighting. Anyway, the inflection he had in his voice when he said I wanted to go get next to J***** and had my head up his ass sounded like he was saying we were gay. I know that sounds dumb coming from me, but if you would've heard it, you would've caught that in his tone of voice.

After we'd been going at it for a while, he said "you should've put your red light on your truck and arrested the guy! since you're a stormchaser!" Sound familiar?

If that all makes sense, that's the entire story here.. I'm still trying to figure out why he got so worked up about this and how the situation regarding my truck went from "shit happens, don't worry about it" to "you're at fault and you should've slowed down. it could've been avoided if you wouldn't have been thinking about J***** and trying to catch up with him".
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:31 PM   #15
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

When did he start doing this to you brother. And when did he start doing this to you? This could be an age hatred complex. Sounds stupid but I have one. I can't stand children under 4 or 5 years. Don't want to look at them and I can't stand to be around them. Don't know why, but that's what it is.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:35 PM   #16
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

It's happened during teenage years. My brother was different because he had to deal with moving all the time when my dad was active in the Air Force, my dad didn't like my brother being different and hanging out with the not so good crowd.

I don't want to place myself higher, but I have good grades, I've never drank, never smoked anything, never done any drugs, I'm in scouts, I volunteer in the community, I want to spend free time at the fire station helping them, etc. etc. Basically a perfect child, considering all the underage drinking and drug use that happens at my highschool. My dad full-well knows my stance on drinking, drugs and my role in the community.

Yet he continues on with all this bs about everything else..
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:35 PM   #17
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Almost sounds like my buddys girlfriend. She has Bipolar disorder and has two different personalities. On one hand, shes the best girlfriend one could ever have, The next minute she's your worst enemy, Say some of the most hurtful things and make some of the most surprising threats, actions, etc.

Like 01001010 had said, Maybe he needs checked out. You have to consider everything.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:39 PM   #18
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

I've always considered bi-polar disorder. He can go from being a super nice and generous person to an absolute and complete asshole the next..
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:43 PM   #19
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Actually, I think he's jealous. He never got to live the life or aspirations you intend to, so he's "venting" that by attempting to ruin your hope for future.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:43 PM   #20
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

He got to do exactly what he wanted. Being a pilot.
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