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Old 11-18-2009, 07:52 PM   #1
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Default Need to vent, badly.

Home life has gotten rough lately, very rough. As most of you know, I've been interested in firefighting and storm chasing for quite sometime and it's stuff I rely on to get away. Not to mention computers, all are hobbies I enjoy greatly.

My dad attacks the things I do and makes fun of me because of it

"why don't you come beat me up? you don't have any balls you f*****g c**t!"

you'd think that was a quote from a douchebag at school, but that came out of my "fathers" mouth 10 minutes ago.


Arguments like these first occurred with my 28 year old brother and scarred him greatly because of it, he fell into drinking heavily and is now recovering which I'm very proud of him for it.

I'm certainly not going to fall into problems like that, but I really need help here guys. This sounds cheezy but I don't give a shit, this is really bothering me and I just want to hear from guys I associate with. I've never been spoken to like this before, let alone from my own damn father. The relationship is too damaged to fix, I'm not willing to fix it, it's that simple. At this point I just feel like he's a guy I live with and that's it..
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:02 PM   #2
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Yikes, that's a really strong statement, especially to come out of your own father's mouth.

Your dad should be supportive of your hobbies that you enjoy, whether he likes it or not. Are his attacks unprovoked?
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:03 PM   #3
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

The best advice I can come up with (however lame it may be) is this:

The best revenge is leading a good life, following your dreams and being successful in your endeavors.
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:16 PM   #4
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

You need to bring your father to a clinic that deals with this behavior. It's not healthy, plain and simple.
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:40 PM   #5
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

What I do to people who come at me completely pissed off, is respond in a completely nonchalant calm voice, and defend my views, while acting completely unaffected by what they said. Give them a minute, and they will realize that they sound like idiots, and it might anger them more, but what happens is they sound even stupider.
What does your dad do that makes him so great? Has he seen what fire-fighters do? And how is chasing storms a pussy thing?

Tell him one thing, Bitches argue, men debate. Make him explain why he thinks what you do is not manly at all, because to most of us, it is.
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:44 PM   #6
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Does your Father drink?
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:03 PM   #7
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Yikes man. I never had a great relationship with my father, but he never said stuff like that. And take superman's advice. Talk to them in a calm unaffected voice. Yeah, it'll piss them off, and they will sound more stupid when they are screaming and not making any sense. Then you get the satisfaction of just seeing their red spewing faces and shit. And then start laughing at them and they get mad because they don't know what's so funny and it becomes an endless cycle of enjoyment.

EDIT: Or you can just ignore him completely. That's veryyy fun.
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:08 PM   #8
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 63083 View Post
Yikes man. I never had a great relationship with my father, but he never said stuff like that. And take superman's advice. Talk to them in a calm unaffected voice. Yeah, it'll piss them off, and they will sound more stupid when they are screaming and not making any sense. Then you get the satisfaction of just seeing their red spewing faces and shit. And then start laughing at them and they get mad because they don't know what's so funny and it becomes an endless cycle of enjoyment.
That might escilate to more trouble.
If it were me, I'd go rent an appartment for a while (assuming I'm financially prepared)
The best way to go about the situation is to disregard your father's pointless statements. I mean, that's just plain rude and un-called for, for a father to say such things.
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:14 PM   #9
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cboucher View Post
The best advice I can come up with (however lame it may be) is this:

The best revenge is leading a good life, following your dreams and being successful in your endeavors.
I chose that route with my father. He used to tell me I was not his kid since I was nothing like him. When I had had enough of hearing that the next time I replied, "No I'm not, thank God". My jaw had to be wired back together. When I was old enough to get out my draft notice dropped in my lap and I jumped all over it. When my tour was up I came home in my full summer dress whites complete with my oak leafs on my collar and my bridge cap parked on my head. I knocked and then was wondering why I was looking at the sky all of a sudden. He had cocked me flat. I guess a successful military career pissed him off. I kicked the door out of the frame and backed him up in the utility room. He was swinging wildly and not connecting. But I did and it just took one good one. I broke both of his denture plates in his mouth. I told him if he ever raised a hand to me, my mom, or my sister I would kill him without hesitation. Later when he lay dying in a hospital bed I chose to forgive him. But I never ever forgot what a horrible person he was.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 01001010 View Post
You need to bring your father to a clinic that deals with this behavior. It's not healthy, plain and simple.
As with any aberrant behavior, they have to want to get help. You can lead them to water but you can't make them drink.
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:50 PM   #10
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Default Re: Need to vent, badly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cabbs View Post
Yikes, that's a really strong statement, especially to come out of your own father's mouth.

Your dad should be supportive of your hobbies that you enjoy, whether he likes it or not. Are his attacks unprovoked?
Yea, they're un-provoked. I start VERY calmly in a situation such as this. But once he attacks me personally calling me a pussy or attacking the things I love to do to bring me down, he's crossed the line and I get rather fired up at that point.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cboucher View Post
The best advice I can come up with (however lame it may be) is this:

The best revenge is leading a good life, following your dreams and being successful in your endeavors.
That's what I'm planning on doing. I'm 17 now and have a whole future ahead of me, my main goal in life is to prove him wrong. If I do bad in life, then I'll feel he's won. He tears me down like this to see if I'll stand the "real world". That's actually something he said tonight "if you bitch like this to your mom, you won't stand the real world", last time I checked, it's not a normal 'real world' thing to call your kid a c**t.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 01001010 View Post
You need to bring your father to a clinic that deals with this behavior. It's not healthy, plain and simple.
We've tried. My brother experienced the same thing and back then they legally forced him to counseling, obviously with no effect. At this point I'm just trying to understand what provokes this. I'll be 18 in december and can room with my chase partner over the summer until college which I'm highly considering at this point. I'm not going to spend my last semester of highschool in a household hell.

Quote:
Originally Posted by superman22x View Post
What I do to people who come at me completely pissed off, is respond in a completely nonchalant calm voice, and defend my views, while acting completely unaffected by what they said. Give them a minute, and they will realize that they sound like idiots, and it might anger them more, but what happens is they sound even stupider.
What does your dad do that makes him so great? Has he seen what fire-fighters do? And how is chasing storms a pussy thing?

Tell him one thing, Bitches argue, men debate. Make him explain why he thinks what you do is not manly at all, because to most of us, it is.
I've tried to act calmly, it simply doesn't work. He rudely interrupts and calls me a smartass for talking back and even after that, I'll still say "dad, just hear me out, please" he still insists on interrupting me.

He got on me tonight and told me that he was glad I'd be going to college next year or he'd beat my ass. Then once we got inside he continued to say "why don't you come here so I can beat your ass?!" crap like that, and so I said "believe it or not dumbass, life isn't about physical stature. there's more to life than being able to kick somebody's ass". Saying dumbass REALLY got him fired up, but at that point I really didn't care. I was saying all sorts of stuff "you're a great father, you really are, fine example" stuff like that, it just rolled out..

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmericanSensei View Post
Does your Father drink?
Surprisingly no, but he is paraplegic. Even still, I know paraplegics who are MUCH better fathers than he.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 63083 View Post
Yikes man. I never had a great relationship with my father, but he never said stuff like that. And take superman's advice. Talk to them in a calm unaffected voice. Yeah, it'll piss them off, and they will sound more stupid when they are screaming and not making any sense. Then you get the satisfaction of just seeing their red spewing faces and shit. And then start laughing at them and they get mad because they don't know what's so funny and it becomes an endless cycle of enjoyment.

EDIT: Or you can just ignore him completely. That's veryyy fun.
It just torques him further, there really isn't anything at all to win against him. He plays off anything and uses all kinds of stuff to say back, best way I can explain it is he responds like a child.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MetalOverlord76 View Post
That might escilate to more trouble.
If it were me, I'd go rent an appartment for a while (assuming I'm financially prepared)
The best way to go about the situation is to disregard your father's pointless statements. I mean, that's just plain rude and un-called for, for a father to say such things.
At this point, that's what I'm going to have to do. It's just REALLY hard to do so when he attacks me personally. He mocked storm chasing and told me "why don't you put your red light on your truck and come arrest me since you're a storm chaser!" which really pissed me off. A true father should stand behind his son no matter what his hobbies or interests are, he simply doesn't. I quit band which was something I enjoyed quite a bit because of his comments, something I've regretted to this day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by setishock View Post
I chose that route with my father. He used to tell me I was not his kid since I was nothing like him. When I had had enough of hearing that the next time I replied, "No I'm not, thank God". My jaw had to be wired back together. When I was old enough to get out my draft notice dropped in my lap and I jumped all over it. When my tour was up I came home in my full summer dress whites complete with my oak leafs on my collar and my bridge cap parked on my head. I knocked and then was wondering why I was looking at the sky all of a sudden. He had cocked me flat. I guess a successful military career pissed him off. I kicked the door out of the frame and backed him up in the utility room. He was swinging wildly and not connecting. But I did and it just took one good one. I broke both of his denture plates in his mouth. I told him if he ever raised a hand to me, my mom, or my sister I would kill him without hesitation. Later when he lay dying in a hospital bed I chose to forgive him. But I never ever forgot what a horrible person he was.



As with any aberrant behavior, they have to want to get help. You can lead them to water but you can't make them drink.
Luckily with my situation (this sounds mean, but at this point I really could care less) he's paraplegic and can't come after me. He's tried to fight my brother before but we've both been above him and said "fighting doesn't solve anything". For some reason, he seams to think being the top dog physically is the solution to everything.

He really does fit EVERY description of a bully. I've never dealt with a bully in school, I've always had a good number of friends in all social aspects so dealing with it at home is a whole new ball game..

When it comes down to it, his final arguments are related to physical stature or "who pays for everything". I'm sure this is a documented behavior I just want to find the answer..
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