Join Date: Feb 2007
Well for those of y'all who don't follow the whole Nascar thing, it's race weekend here in Talladega Alabama and that means one thing.....crowds of epic proportions. The rest of the year the town of Talladega itself is a somewhat small town of around 15,000 and is something like 58th largest town in the State, during race weekend Talladega's population swells to over 200,000 people and becomes the 5th largest town in the state.
Granted, I'm not much of a fan of Nascar but I do like going to the track for at least 1 day because you see alot of funny things. Here is a my day Friday broken down.
10:30am. Uncle and I leave my house to go to the race track.
11:00. Arive in Talladega, decide food is next on the to do list, Arby's sounds good. Traffic is unusally light for race weekend...where am I.
11:15. Never mind, found traffic, they are blocking Arby's...I am not a happy camper.
11:20. Order Arby's Melt and head for racetrack.
11:40. We are nearing the racetrack, come upon seveal hundred acre fields that have been converted into RV parking lots, RV's are literally as far as the eye can see, there is no grass...just fiber glass and sheet metal vehicles.
11:44. Still driving past RV town, Confederate flags abound, they adorn Campers, RV's, Tents, Coolers and even small children.
11:47. Drive past rough part of RV town (aka, free parking), do not want to have a break down here. Second hand School Buses are converted into cheap campers on wheels. its the place where scary looking men with mullets, women with wrestling shirts and their rock throwing, bratty kids camp. The people who camp here are Jerry Springer material. Avoid this area after dark.
12:01pm. Finally hit Speedway Boulevard, which is the main drag going to the racetrack, traffic is standstill. State Troopers are everywhere, Uncle wants tickets for Saturdays truck race and qualifying for main race, we stop to get him tickets. While uncle haggles with the ticket scalper I sit and watch the world go by, across the road is a Flea Market of epic proportions, ANY kind of redneck parifelnalia can be found here, tacky gifts like cheap snow globes (like it snows in Alabama), trashy t shirts and engraved tire pressure gauges abound, you could literally spend 3 hours walking through the market and never see every booth. My attention was distracted from this Redneck Shopping Mecca by a truck full of women who blew their horn and waved at me. I wave back
12:05. Tickets bought we are on our way to park
12:10, We are parked, Sitting in parking lot eating Arby's Melt, it's getting cold.
12:16: Uncle is slow eater, I grow weary and break out the lawn chair and acoustic and play.
12:40. All done, put guitar back in car and head to vender booths.
12:45. Arrive at vendors booths, Dale Earnheart Jr fans, hats, shirts, backpacks, car flags, RV flags are everywhere, I immediately hate everyone.
12:47. Uncle sees clearance on Dale Jr memorabilia, he's giggeling like a Japaneese School Girl in a Hello Kitty store. He buys jersey and pink, sequin coated hat for his wife for unbelivably low price , I dare him to wear it...he does, looks horribly queer and I lol.
12:50. Walking around, the Reynolds company is handing out free samples, I recive a box of tin foil. I have a WTF moment, when am I going to need Tin Foil?
1:00. Visit DLP tent, hear snickering about uncles pink hat, stupid banter begins between man with microphone and uncle.
1:03, Grow weary of banter, DLP is promoting their new line of high def TV's, their trailer and tent are air conditioned, i am handed more free stuff, also get to see free 3D movie, it's awesome. I immediately love everyone.
1:25. Drunken Yankees from Michigan are standing in line at Jeff Gorden trailer, they are trying to find the right sized shirt, man is over the hill and pushing 200lbs and is convinced he can wear a Medium, he can't. Man and Wife debate issue and every other word is "eh?". I am amused.
2:20. All done walking around, buy ticket to watch final practice and rookies race.
2:22. Stairs are long and steep, it's hot, my chest hurts and my legs are burning. This sucks.
2:26. Reach seats, they are in Tri-Oval Towers, Row 60, air feels thin and some birds are flying BELOW us.
2:30. Drunken lady 4 rows behind us thinks my uncles hat is gay, I laugh and agree with her.
2:34. See screen that encourages you to send Text Messages, send it and they will put it on screen. I borrow uncles phone and send text saying "Mona Lisa was framed". I am giddy with anticipation to see it on screen.
2:40. Message isn't there, all the stupid ones make it however, they make no sense. Still hopeful mine will make it.
2:45. Hope is dead, final practice has started.
3:30. Practice is nearly over, 10 laps left and we leave early to beat the crowd. wow that was loud, my ears hurt.
3:35. Back at vendors area and are walking out to help TJ set up his camper, this will be fun.
3:45. Find his lot, camper is set up, TJ is throwing one back and puts some chicken wings on the grill. They smell awesome, I go to truck and get my guitar, play while waiting for wings to cook.
4:00. TJ's friends arrive, they challenge him to a Wing Cook Off. So far TJs wings are winning.
5:00. Just chillin'. TJs wings are nearly done, they smell even more awesome.
5:15. TJ's wings are finger lickin' good. We have a new leader
6:00. Round 2 of the wing off is taking shape, the contenders wings are shaping up to be a winner.
6:30, Uncle decides to go move truck from parking lot into camp ground. Let's hope he makes it.
6:45. Round 2 was even better than Round 1 so TJ gets spanked in the wing off, he looses 1st place. He drinks beer to cope with loss.
6:50. The final contender in the wing off begins preparations, do we have a winner?
7:00. Still no Clay, begin wondering. Smell wings cooking, move on.
7:20. Ding! Ding! ladies and gentlemen we have a winner. They are so freakin awesome. I'm full of chicken.
7:30. Clay finally arrives. Had trouble getting past security as his Parking Pass sticker was not mounted properly, he BS's his way past security
back into campground...hooray.
7:35. To celebrate the prodigals sons return we turn up car stereo, country sounds resonate all through out our block.
8:00. Trade stories and play guitar, there is a karaoke contest up the road.
8:20. Indiana man from neighboring campground is attracted by the Rhett Akins music and the smell of Chicken Wings. He eats a small mountain of chicken wings.
8:30. Still laughing and playing, fingers are getting sore. stop to get a coke.
8:45. TJ and friends leave to go visit neighboring camp site, claim they will be back soon...uncle and I hold down the fort.
8:50. We're bored, find a dozen glow sticks in truck.
9:30. No TJ, Uncle and I are decked out in glow sticks,
I look like I've been to a freakin Rave.
9:45. TJ and company's back, they are hammered drunk. Speech is slurred, they say something about Captain Morgan, peg legs, a party wagon and a
Cajun dance party several rows over, I think the Cajuns gave them rum, not sure, we are regaled with stories of their exploits.
10:00. I'm playing sweet home alabama on the acoustic...they are thrilled.
10:30, Wow I'm tired, TJs drunk dialing people and we're about out of food....on the bright side though, my glowsticks are as bright as ever.
11:00. Pack up and head back home, road blocks, license checks abound...we drive very, very carefully.
11:45, Back home. Eric, Anthony, Phillip, Edwin, Bryan and Darby are here playing Halo with my brother, they think I look gay with my glow sticks. I don't really care, We laugh and shoot the breeze for awhile.
Midnight, friends are missing curfew, I'm sleepy. Get in some sleeping clothes and crash.
And thus concludes my yearly trip to this Redneck Mecca of sporting events.