Not really questions, but things you wish you could say at work.
01. Ahhh...I see the foul-up fairy has visited us again.
02. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
03. How about never? Is never good for you?
04. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
05. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
06. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
07. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
08. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
09. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
24. You sound reasonable. Time to up the medication.
25. Who, me? I just wander from room to room.
26. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
27. Do I look like a people person?
28. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
29. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
31. You! Off my planet!
32. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
33. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
34. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
35. Allow me to introduce my selves.
36. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
37. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
38. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
40. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
41. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
42. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
43. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number one?
44. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
45. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
46. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
47. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
48. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
49. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
50. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
51. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
52. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
53. Well, aren't we just a ray of sunshine?
54. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
55. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
57. Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.
58. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
59. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
60. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
61. Aw, did I step on your poor itty-bitty ego?
62. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
63. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
64. Earth is full, Go home.
65. It'll be ready Thursday - I just don't know which Thursday.
66. I have a patience deficiency and you're not adding to my supply.
67. No idea is too poorly thought out to become policy around here.
68. He's as sharp as a beach ball.
69. Stupidity doesn't count as a handicap, park elsewhere.
70. I would engage in a battle of wits with you, but I refuse to duel with an unarmed person.
71. The proctologist called. They found your head.
72. His elevator won't go to the top.
73. She's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
74. People would follow him, but only out of morbid curiosity.
75. Some people are going to leave a mark on this world, you might leave a stain.
76. If ignorance is bliss you must be enraptured.
77. Everyone has a photographic memory, you just don't have film.
78. He has such poor memory he mistakes it for a clear conscience.
79. He'd start an argument with his own reflection.
80. May your life be like toilet paper - long and useful.
81. If my dog looked as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk around backwards.
82. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, you're abusing the privilege.
83. All foam, no beer.
84. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts you'd get change.
85. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.
86. People like you should not be allowed to breed.
87. What part of "no" escapes you?
88. There is a dimension where you make sense, but I don't live there.
89. The Twilight Zone has nothing on this place.
90. Every time I walk in here, I expect to see Rod Serling doing an intro.
91. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
92. He's not smart enough to figure out the answer, but he's just dumb enough to ask the question.
93. Just because it is technically possible, does not make it operationally desirable.
94. Excuse me, but a vision without resources is better known as a hallucination.
95. I have been told to develop a list of specific unknown problems that we may encounter before we encounter them.
96. Nothing can be made foolproof, fools are too ingenious. The very best you can hope for is fool-resistant.
97. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
98. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
99. I know the inmates are running the asylum, but do we have to advertise?
100. You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps.
Wombats do it in the dark.