Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML
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Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML
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Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my Ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out if your going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes all back in. FML
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Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML
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Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from facebook requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML
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Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML
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Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML
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Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML
