Anubis1980
Daemon Poster
- Messages
- 1,308
Aw man cant believe i actually laughed at that 
lol, keep em coming.
lol, keep em coming.Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Celegorm
- Start date
Raffaz
Golden Master
- Messages
- 6,798
Bungee Jumping in Mexico
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first
guy says to the second. "You know, we could make
a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping
service in Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea,
so the two pool their money and buy everything
they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance,
etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up
on the square. As they are constructing the tower,
a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and
more people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end
of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second
guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch
him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up
again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again,
the second guy misses him. The first guy falls
again and bounces back up.
This time, he comes back pretty messed up -
he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost
unconscious.
Luckily, the second guy finally catches him
this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord
too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine,
but what the f**ks a 'pinata'
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first
guy says to the second. "You know, we could make
a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping
service in Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea,
so the two pool their money and buy everything
they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance,
etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up
on the square. As they are constructing the tower,
a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and
more people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end
of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second
guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch
him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up
again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again,
the second guy misses him. The first guy falls
again and bounces back up.
This time, he comes back pretty messed up -
he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost
unconscious.
Luckily, the second guy finally catches him
this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord
too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine,
but what the f**ks a 'pinata'
Istonian
Daemon Poster
- Messages
- 1,469
A man walked into a bar full of drunk black men. He said that if he jumped off a 4 story building and died they could take his wallet. If he lived they had to pay him a million dollars. So a drunk black man took the bet. They get to the building and the guy jumps off and lives. So the black man says do it again. The other guy said if I live one more time you h ave to do it. The black man agrees. So the guy jumps off again and lives. The black guy pays him and goes to jump off himself. So he jumps off. When he lands he broke all the bones in his body and is dead. When the cops show up one cop sees who it is and says "Damn it Superman why are you f***ing with the niggers again?!"
Ahyoka
Daemon Poster
- Messages
- 1,373
istonian said:
kinda made me think of this joke
The Pope, Jesse Jackson, Bill Clinton and a Boyscout are on a air plane. as they're flying along they hear the pilot say how they're having engine trouble and will have to bail out, there are only 3 parachutes so right away bill clinton grabs one and he's out the door with jesse jackson right behind him. that leaves the pope and the boyscout, the pope tells the boyscout he's had a long, full life and he's gonna do the christian thing and let the boy have the last parachute, then the boyscout turns to the pope and says
"thats alright mr. pope, that colored fella took my knapsack on the way out."
Raffaz
Golden Master
- Messages
- 6,798
Tesco - "Every little helps!"
One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike "My elbow hurts like
hell. I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the West Street surgery,"
Mike
replies. "There's a new diagnostic computer at Tesco Pharmacy.
Just
give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong,
and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five
quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card
points".
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity. It will improve in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter and the cat,and masturbated into the mixture for good
measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He
deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer printed the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet
3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
5) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better........
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike "My elbow hurts like
hell. I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the West Street surgery,"
Mike
replies. "There's a new diagnostic computer at Tesco Pharmacy.
Just
give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong,
and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five
quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card
points".
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity. It will improve in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter and the cat,and masturbated into the mixture for good
measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He
deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer printed the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet
3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
5) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better........
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
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