Tesco - "Every little helps!"
One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike "My elbow hurts like
hell. I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the West Street surgery,"
replies. "There's a new diagnostic computer at Tesco Pharmacy.
give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong,
and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five
quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity. It will improve in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter and the cat,and masturbated into the mixture for good
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He
deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer printed the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet
3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
5) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.