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Old 03-09-2007, 02:31 PM   #41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raffaz
Alter boys confession

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"

"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.

"Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Volpe?"
"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers,

"What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads."

lol man that's good!
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Old 03-09-2007, 02:50 PM   #42
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Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
enough features yet.


that was the best that made me lol
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Old 03-10-2007, 02:26 PM   #43
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Beer drinking bear

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.


The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings"

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again
demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are
on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."



...........You're gonna love this.........

The bartender says, "You are now. That was a
barbitchyouate
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Old 03-10-2007, 02:45 PM   #44
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Hahahaha, barbiturates are sedatives, right??
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Old 03-10-2007, 02:48 PM   #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freestyler105
Hahahaha, barbiturates are sedatives, right??
Yep, central nervous system depressants
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Old 03-10-2007, 04:57 PM   #46
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Lol where do u get all ur jokes Raffaz lol
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Old 03-10-2007, 05:48 PM   #47
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One day a man is driving his car down a long road, but this man has a problem. everytime he sees someone on the side of the road he has to hit them.

so as he is driving along he sees a hobo hitch hiking and swurves to hit him. the hobo hits the windshield and flies off.

as he drives down a little further he sees a jogger and once again he goes to hit him with success.

after about 10 minutes he sees a priest on the side of the road hitch hiking. so the man decides to pick him up for he wants to stop his heinous ways.

the priest gets in the car and thanks the kind man. he tells him that the church is only 4 miles up the road and asks him to drive him up there.

as they drive onward, the man sees another jogger but this time he cannot contain himself. he swerves to hit him but cuts the wheel to get away from the jogger. the man jams on the brakes, sweating and panting he turns to the priest and says.

"Father, i have to confess. I have been hitting people with my car this whole time. The last jogger was the only person i hadn't hit yet. Does this make me a bad person?!"

The father turns to him and says "Don't worry my son, i got him with the door."
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Old 03-10-2007, 05:51 PM   #48
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What the...? What kind of screwed up person has a problem like that??
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Old 03-10-2007, 05:53 PM   #49
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Quote:
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What the...? What kind of screwed up person has a problem like that??
i do...that and contortion.
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Old 03-11-2007, 09:34 AM   #50
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Old English farmer

An old English farmer had spent his life collecting tractors: every time
one broke down irreparably or became hopelessly out of date, he refused to
sell it, instead keeping it in a large barn. He even bought used tractors
from other farmers. He worked on them and polished them, treating them
like museum exhibits. Eventually it came time for him to retire, and he
decided to sell off his massive collection so that he could live
comfortably with his wife in a nice country cottage. So he put
advertisements in local and national papers, and waited. He didn't have
long to wait: a few days later he received a letter from a visiting
American businessman, whose company had built some of the tractors
mentioned in the advert and who had an interest in old vehicles himself.
After a couple more letters the two arranged to meet in the farmer's local
inn/pub on the coming Saturday. That evening came and the businessman
arrived. Despite the heavy clouds of pipe smoke, and an hour passed in
most pleasant conversation, the pair turning out to have much in common.
"Well," sighed the farmer eventually, "I haven't had such a good yak for a
long time, but I suppose it's about time we got down to business, eh?"
"Sure," replied the other, "but maybe we could go somewhere else? Y'see,
I'm findin' it kinda hard to concentrate with this much smoke." "Ah,
there's no need for that", said the farmer, "watch this!" He then
proceeded to take an amazingly deep, deep breath, sucking in every last
particle of smoke in the room. Then he leaned over to the partially open
window behind him and blew all the smoke out into the night. "Hey, how the
heck did you manage that?" gasped the American.




"Oh, it was nothing;




you see, I'm an ex-tractor fan."
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