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Old 11-03-2007, 01:04 AM   #481
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Lol my bro told me that one and I was wondering if he could get charged with that.
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Old 11-03-2007, 01:10 AM   #482
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Lol my bro told me that one and I was wondering if he could get charged with that.
What could he be charged with? Being sober?
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Old 11-03-2007, 01:23 AM   #483
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What could he be charged with? Being sober?
You could argue it's obstruction of justice since he purposelessly stopped the cop from getting a real drunk driver.
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Old 11-03-2007, 01:27 AM   #484
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Just a random convo I found on QDB:

<acidwar> last night, tony and I decided to stop off on the way to the party to get some beer
<acidwar> we come out of the shop a few minutes later and there's a parking guy writing a ticket
<acidwar> tony goes up to him and asks him what the ticket's for, parking guy explains that the car is parked in a no standing zone
<acidwar> tony starts abusing him and tells him to cram it up his ass, so the guy writes a ticket for abusing him
<Nuzzler> haha
<acidwar> so tony gets up him even more, and every time he says something the guy writes another ticket
<acidwar> 14 tickets later, the guy gives up and walks off
<dendyh0> ...
<acidwar> and we both PISS ourselves laughing as we walk back to tony's car around the corner, leaving some poor bastard with 14 parking fines
<dendyh0> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<Nuzzler> ROFL!!
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Old 11-03-2007, 01:47 AM   #485
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You could argue it's obstruction of justice since he purposelessly stopped the cop from getting a real drunk driver.
I really dont think that would stand up in court imo. Any way this is a jokes thread, not a discussion thread.


"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy." "Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathised his friends. "I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had though."
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Old 11-03-2007, 12:06 PM   #486
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Some of the best bumper stickers

The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux.

Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.

I found Jesus - he was behind the sofa all the time.

If you can read this, I've lost the trailer!

Stoplights timed for 30 mph are also timed for 60 mph.

I didn't climb all the way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake.

Rehab is for quitters.

West Virginia: One million people, and 15 last names.

The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.

If going to church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?

In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.

WWJD (Who Wants Jelly Donuts?)

Well, at least the war on the environment is going well.

Jesus loves me, this I know - that is why I don't drive slow!

Squirrels - nature's speed bumps.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

Carpe Diem = Seize the day. Carp In Denim = Fish in pants.


http://www.funny2.com/bumper.htm
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Old 11-03-2007, 12:08 PM   #487
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"






A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The other man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."



TEXAN: "Where are you from?"
HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
TEXAN: "OK - where are you from, jackass?"
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Old 11-04-2007, 10:50 PM   #488
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During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope delcined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
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Old 11-08-2007, 10:03 PM   #489
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Come on everyone, we gotta keep this thread at the top!!

The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman

#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.


#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.


#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.


#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.


#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.


#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.


#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.


#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look
fat?"


#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.


AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.


Why is it called PMS? -- Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken
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Old 11-08-2007, 11:32 PM   #490
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Originally Posted by superman22x View Post
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
ahahahha
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