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Old 10-29-2007, 06:16 PM   #471
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Tests revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a serious look at their beer consumption. Their theory is that beer contains female hormones and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men were given 8 pints of beer each to consume. Within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects...

Gained weight,

Talked excessively without making sense,

Became overly emotional,

Couldn't drive,

Failed to think rationally,

Argued over nothing,

Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

No further testing was considered necessary !!!!!
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Old 10-29-2007, 06:21 PM   #472
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

LOL, that is one of the best ones ive seen here!
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Old 10-29-2007, 06:23 PM   #473
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Bill Gates and the Lightbulb

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many Bill Gates does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One - he puts it in the socket and lets the world revolve around him.
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Old 10-29-2007, 06:27 PM   #474
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, "Where is my father?"

The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with "Your father is fishing in Michigan."

The skeptical man said triumphantly, "You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years."

"No", replied the super computer immediately. "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout."
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Old 10-29-2007, 07:15 PM   #475
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

lmfao.
Quote:
After a few seconds man one replys: "Uh... maybe i should clarify...... 'Chunks' is my dog."
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Old 10-30-2007, 04:34 AM   #476
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by superman22x View Post
Bill Gates and the Lightbulb

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many Bill Gates does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One - he puts it in the socket and lets the world revolve around him.
And the sun shines out of his a*se.....at least he thinks it does!!
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Old 10-30-2007, 11:36 AM   #477
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haha Raffaz you're so deserving of this rep.
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Old 10-30-2007, 05:11 PM   #478
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:


1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;

and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.


The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;

and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.


The women won.
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Old 10-31-2007, 09:48 AM   #479
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I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new
Shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was
Watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair
In all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept
Staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every
Time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the
Matter old man, never done anything wild n your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not
Choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in
Classic style he did not bat an eye in his response, 'Got drunk once
And had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'
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Old 11-02-2007, 11:58 PM   #480
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From the state where drunk driving is considered a sport (Wisconsin), comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Wisconsin, after last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other
patrons left the bar and drove off.<

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--,flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the sherriffs office. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud non-drinker. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
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