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Old 09-25-2007, 02:33 PM   #461
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

I find this amusing:

http://mywebpages.comcast.net/bondon.../Joke0031.html
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Old 10-05-2007, 05:08 PM   #462
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Nursery Rhymes

Here's a few Modern takes on the good old nursery rhymes you used to love as a kid!


Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard


MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.


JACK AND JILL
Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.


HUMPTY DUMPTY
sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.


HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE
the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.


GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay


There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car
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Old 10-05-2007, 05:12 PM   #463
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Dunno if this has been posted before. I watched it earlier on and it gave me a good chuckle.

http://www.blimptv.net/mostpopularV1.html
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Old 10-23-2007, 08:30 AM   #464
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Shopping and Sympathy

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had just been reduced to a fiver when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the shops. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful custard slice complimentary from the last shop

She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her Husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will be more than likely the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And you'll now be his carer!"

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed. The doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just pulling your leg, he's dead. What'd you buy?"
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Old 10-23-2007, 09:19 AM   #465
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Originally Posted by Raffaz View Post
Shopping and Sympathy

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had just been reduced to a fiver when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the shops. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful custard slice complimentary from the last shop

She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her Husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will be more than likely the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And you'll now be his carer!"

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed. The doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just pulling your leg, he's dead. What'd you buy?"
Brilliant as usual, are you OK?, only you haven't been posting much at all lately, the one before this was on the 6th.

Maurice
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Old 10-23-2007, 09:23 AM   #466
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he got a new job i believe
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Old 10-23-2007, 09:25 AM   #467
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he got a new job i believe
Oh thanks Rud , I remember now!
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Old 10-23-2007, 10:41 AM   #468
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Originally Posted by Brookfield View Post
Brilliant as usual, are you OK?, only you haven't been posting much at all lately, the one before this was on the 6th.

Maurice
Yeah, im fine mate, just very busy with work now, just been promoted so its all go at the moment. Ive been popping in here now and again but its just constant bickering in here now, nothing like the CF i joined last year.
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Old 10-23-2007, 10:55 AM   #469
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Shopping and sympathy is great, though not very realistic!
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Old 10-23-2007, 11:22 AM   #470
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Yeah, im fine mate, just very busy with work now, just been promoted so its all go at the moment. Ive been popping in here now and again but its just constant bickering in here now, nothing like the CF i joined last year.
Well congratulations are in order then I think!! & yeah the bickering has got worse Mick, tell me about it

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Shopping and sympathy is great, though not very realistic!
Huh??, not with you I'm afraid!
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