Go Back   Computer Forums > Welcome To Computer Forums .org > Social Lounge | Off Topic
Click Here to Login
Join Computer forums Today


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 09-02-2007, 04:06 PM   #451
Golden Master
 
Raffaz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 6,798
Send a message via AIM to Raffaz Send a message via MSN to Raffaz Send a message via Yahoo to Raffaz
Default Re: Jokes Thread

jet fuel

John and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft
mechanics at Aberdeen Airport.

One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar
with nothing to do.

John said, 'Man, I wish we hid sommin to drink!'

Jim says, 'Me in a. Y'kaen, a've heard ye can drink jet fuel an get a
buzz. Di ye wanna try it?'

So they poured themselves a couple of glasses of high octane jet fuel
hooch and got completely smashed.

The next morning John wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover!

NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, Hey, how ye feeling the
day?'

John says, 'Smashing! Fit about you?'

Jim says, 'Brand spanking new! Got a hangover?'

John says , 'No that jet fuel is just the dogs b*ll*cks! -- nae
hangover, nethin. We shid dee this mair afen'

Jim says 'Aye, well there's jist the one thing.'

'Fit's at then?'

'Hiv yi farted yet?'

' Er, - No '

Well, DINNA, 'cause I'm in Bloody Norway!
__________________

Raffaz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-02-2007, 04:43 PM   #452
Daemon Poster
 
Anubis1980's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,308
Send a message via MSN to Anubis1980 Send a message via Yahoo to Anubis1980
Default Re: Jokes Thread

A long time ago a local rich dog decided to hold a party, he invited several of his friends and local ponces. Now, we all know that dogs are messy lil buggers, so he politely asked that each dog remove their rear ends and hang them on a hook at the front of the house as to avoid accidents. The party was in full swing when a rather drunken dog spills his martini on the floor , slips on it and his cigar flies into the air onto the spilled drink and catches fire.

The fire takes hold quickly and the party becomes a disaster area, dogs of all sizes and breeds run screaming around the house depserate to find their way thru the smoke to the exit at the front, in the confusion they dont have time to check which bums are theirs, so they just grab anything they can get their paws on...

So now you know why dogs constantly sniff each others behinds, theyre still trying to find out where the hell theirs ended up.

ahem lol i liked it anyway
__________________

__________________
Intel C2D E6750 (1333fsb) 2.66 @3.5ghz |EVGA 680i SLI Mobo | 2GB Twin XMS ddr800 @ 875 | Leadtek 7950 GX2 Core@601 Mem@1600
500GB IBM/HITACHI Sata2 7200/16MB | 160GB 7200rpm 8mb UDMA133 Maxtor | XION 600w dual 12v 44A total SLI PSU | X-fi Xtreme Music | 22" Widescreen Acer LCD
Anubis1980 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2007, 07:32 PM   #453
muz
Golden Master
 
muz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,928
Default Re: Jokes Thread

Whats red and orange and looks good on chavs





Fire

If you dunno what a chav is look here
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chav
__________________
Desktop-AMD Athlon 64 X2 6000+-2GB Elixer DDR2 800 250gb+500gb+500gb+120gb
Laptop-Apple Macbook Pro 13" Intel core i5(2.3ghz) 4gb Ram 320gb hard drive
muz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2007, 10:42 PM   #454
BSOD
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 7,539
Send a message via AIM to Trivium Nate
Default Re: Jokes Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raffaz View Post
jet fuel

John and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft
mechanics at Aberdeen Airport.

One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar
with nothing to do.

John said, 'Man, I wish we hid sommin to drink!'

Jim says, 'Me in a. Y'kaen, a've heard ye can drink jet fuel an get a
buzz. Di ye wanna try it?'

So they poured themselves a couple of glasses of high octane jet fuel
hooch and got completely smashed.

The next morning John wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover!

NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, Hey, how ye feeling the
day?'

John says, 'Smashing! Fit about you?'

Jim says, 'Brand spanking new! Got a hangover?'

John says , 'No that jet fuel is just the dogs b*ll*cks! -- nae
hangover, nethin. We shid dee this mair afen'

Jim says 'Aye, well there's jist the one thing.'

'Fit's at then?'

'Hiv yi farted yet?'

' Er, - No '

Well, DINNA, 'cause I'm in Bloody Norway!


Omg cant stop laughing hilarious!
Trivium Nate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2007, 03:35 AM   #455
Golden Master
 
Brookfield's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,056
Default Re: Jokes Thread

A farmer from Texas was visiting England & got chatting with a local farmer in a pub, they discussed the size of farms in the U.S. & England, the Texan said I get in my truck each morning, drive from sunrise to sunset & still not reach the other side, the English farmer replied, I had a truck like that once.
Brookfield is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2007, 07:02 PM   #456
Daemon Poster
 
Ahyoka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,373
Default Re: Jokes Thread

Did you hear about the Dyslexic Satanist?





He sold his soul to Santa
Ahyoka is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2007, 02:28 AM   #457
Golden Master
 
Raffaz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 6,798
Send a message via AIM to Raffaz Send a message via MSN to Raffaz Send a message via Yahoo to Raffaz
Default Re: Jokes Thread

Paddy names the kids

Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a
deep coma.

After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees
that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins.... a boy and a girl. The
babies are fine, However, they were poorly at birth and had to be
christened immediately so your brother Paddy came in and named them.

The woman thinks to herself, " Oh suffering Jesus no, not me brother he's a clueless idiot". Expecting the worst, she asks the
doctor," well, whats my daughter's name?"

"Denise" says the doctor.

The new mother is somewhat relieved, "Wow, that's a really beautiful
name,

"I guess I was wrong about my brother",she thought...."I really like
Denise "

Then she asks, " Whats the boy's name?"

The doctor replies " Denephew "
Raffaz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2007, 02:30 AM   #458
Golden Master
 
Raffaz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 6,798
Send a message via AIM to Raffaz Send a message via MSN to Raffaz Send a message via Yahoo to Raffaz
Default Re: Jokes Thread

From hearse to cab

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question
and tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus,
drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large
Plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, 'I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of Me.'

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he
didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab............... ...........

I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.'
Raffaz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2007, 02:32 AM   #459
Golden Master
 
Raffaz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 6,798
Send a message via AIM to Raffaz Send a message via MSN to Raffaz Send a message via Yahoo to Raffaz
Default Re: Jokes Thread

How to heal the pain of getting hit with a golf ball....

Two ladies were out playing a round of golf one afternoon. As one of them teed off, she noticed her ball slicing right towards a group of men preparing to tee off on an adjacent hole. The lady quickly screamed out "FORE!!!" but she was not in time.

As the ball reached the men, she noticed one of them immediately clasp his hands together at his groin and he hit the ground, rolling in apparent agony. The ladies rushed over to the men and the one who hit the ball crouched down next to the guy she'd hit and explained she was a physical therapist and knew how she could relieve him of his pain. The man explained he would probably be OK in a few minutes. She insisted however she knew what she was doing and convinced him to move his clenched hands.

She then proceeded to gently massage his groin, hoping to bring him relief of his pain. After a few minutes, she noticed his facial expression had changed from one of agony to one of a mixture of pain and pleasure. "Is this helping you at all?" she asked.

He replied, "Actually, it feels GREAT, but I don't understand how THAT is going to make my thumb stop hurting!!!"
Raffaz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2007, 07:17 AM   #460
Site Team
 
celegorm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 10,713
Send a message via AIM to celegorm
Default Re: Jokes Thread

^^Love it!
__________________

__________________
"as a fanboy i refuse to admit it and will pull countless things out of my butt to disprove it"

Team Thelegorm! Total Kills: 21 (i iz in uor profile, editsing your sigz)
celegorm is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:43 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0