A man walks into a bar - he sits down and orders a drink. The barman gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl. "You look great tonight!" it said, "You really look fantastic... and that aftershave is just wonderful!"
The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.
Realising he has no cigarettes he wanders over to the cigarette
machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the
machine. "You're a total idiot... My God you STINK... Do you know, you're almost as ugly as your mother!"
By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the barman for an explanation. "Ah yes sir," the barman responds, "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."