Go Back   Computer Forums > Welcome To Computer Forums .org > Social Lounge | Off Topic
Click Here to Login
Join Computer forums Today


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 06-29-2007, 02:14 PM   #271
Daemon Poster
 
sek3o1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,150
Default Re: Jokes Thread

A lady goes to the doctor's office and tells the doctor that she can't get her husband to have sex with her anymore. So, the doctor gives her some pills and says to give her husband one each night in his dinner whenever she wants to have sex. That night she gave him one and they had a decent night of sex. The next night she decided to try 4 pills and she had even better sex. Well the next night she tried 8 pills and the sex was wonderful. So the next night she decided to dump the whole bottle in his dinner. The next day her son showed up at the doctor's office and and said, "Doctor, Doctor, what did you do to my Daddy? My mom's dead, my sister's pregnant, my butt hurts, and my dad's going around saying here kitty, kitty, kitty!"
__________________

__________________
dell xps 700 pent d 3.8 ghz duel 7900 gtx
4gigs 800 ram
sony vaio core 2 duo t7600 radon mobility x1600
2 gigs of ram
sek3o1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-29-2007, 02:14 PM   #272
Golden Master
 
Raffaz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 6,798
Send a message via AIM to Raffaz Send a message via MSN to Raffaz Send a message via Yahoo to Raffaz
Default Re: Jokes Thread

+rep for all them sek
__________________

Raffaz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-29-2007, 02:23 PM   #273
Golden Master
 
Thelis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 5,410
Send a message via AIM to Thelis Send a message via MSN to Thelis Send a message via Yahoo to Thelis
Default Re: Jokes Thread

Warning: This is pretty innapropriate.

Cookie Dough

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day. And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone. The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and soon Suzy came running downstairs.
''Grandma, I went to the bathroom to pee and bb's came out.''

"Suzy," Grandma said. "I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." Then Jill came down and said ''Grandma, I went poo and there were bb's in it.''

"Jill, I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." About five minutes later little Billy came.

''Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage and I shot the cat!''
Thelis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-29-2007, 02:26 PM   #274
Daemon Poster
 
sek3o1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,150
Default Re: Jokes Thread

thanks i really like the ones i posted and heres another for you!!

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note : romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstorm and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the note :

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love"

"PS The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing
__________________
dell xps 700 pent d 3.8 ghz duel 7900 gtx
4gigs 800 ram
sony vaio core 2 duo t7600 radon mobility x1600
2 gigs of ram
sek3o1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-29-2007, 02:28 PM   #275
BSOD
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 6,556
Send a message via MSN to Rudster816
Default Re: Jokes Thread

sek3o1 your only posting jokes to raise your post count therfore this is spam. reported.
Rudster816 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-29-2007, 02:30 PM   #276
Site Team
 
celegorm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 10,713
Send a message via AIM to celegorm
Default Re: Jokes Thread

18

Idk... I think sek3o1 is trying to out-do me here... (Considering the nature of this thread, I don't know if we can consider that spam though)

Lol the perfume... makes me laugh. But I gtg, I haven't taken a shower in a week where is my cologne?
__________________
"as a fanboy i refuse to admit it and will pull countless things out of my butt to disprove it"

Team Thelegorm! Total Kills: 21 (i iz in uor profile, editsing your sigz)
celegorm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-29-2007, 02:32 PM   #277
Golden Master
 
Thelis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 5,410
Send a message via AIM to Thelis Send a message via MSN to Thelis Send a message via Yahoo to Thelis
Default Re: Jokes Thread

How to Write a College Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Check your email.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
5. Check your email.
6. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you her paper, typed, double-spaced and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop her.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your email.
10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
12. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it, seriously, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
13. Listen to the other side.
14. Check your email.
15. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
16. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the college, the world at large.
17. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
18. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor their special flavor.
19. Check your email.
20. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to “Sgt. Preston of the Yukon” is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions:
a) Pro Bowlers Tour
b) any movie starring Don Ameche
21. Catch the last hour of “Soul Brother of Kung Fu” on Channel 26.
22. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
23. Check your email.
24. Look at your tongue in the bathroom miror.
25. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask whoeveryone is.
26. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
27. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trenchcoated strangers lurking in the hall.
28. Check your email.
29. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
30. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.
31. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
32. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
33. Check your email.
34. Leap up and write the paper.
35. Type the paper, and while you're at it, check your email.
36. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that darn paper.
Thelis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-29-2007, 02:35 PM   #278
Golden Master
 
Raffaz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 6,798
Send a message via AIM to Raffaz Send a message via MSN to Raffaz Send a message via Yahoo to Raffaz
Default Re: Jokes Thread

I wouldnt count this as spam, its a joke thread. If it is spam then im the biggest culprit here.
Raffaz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-29-2007, 02:44 PM   #279
Daemon Poster
 
sek3o1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,150
Default Re: Jokes Thread

i don't know how its spam i love this thread i can always count on it to give me a smile i thought you could post as much as you like as long as it was a minute apart or something like that.and it isn't covering the same thing thats kind of messed up thinking like that....i just thought it would bring smiles to ppls face's well I'll let a mod decide and if not ill post some more
__________________
dell xps 700 pent d 3.8 ghz duel 7900 gtx
4gigs 800 ram
sony vaio core 2 duo t7600 radon mobility x1600
2 gigs of ram
sek3o1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-29-2007, 02:47 PM   #280
Golden Master
 
Thelis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 5,410
Send a message via AIM to Thelis Send a message via MSN to Thelis Send a message via Yahoo to Thelis
Default Re: Jokes Thread

What to not say to the nice policeman.

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good Job!

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

Bad cop! No doughnut!

You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?

I pay your salary!

So, uh, you on the take or what?

Gee, Officer! That's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around--that's how far ahead of me they are.

What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?
__________________

Thelis is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:48 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0