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Old 06-13-2007, 11:12 AM   #211
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Originally Posted by Raffaz View Post
Sporting quotes

Here are 12 of the finest double-entendres that were aired on TV & Radio

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside him. "

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - " Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of
the Oxford crew."

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!! What have I just said??"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, " So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters - "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

10. Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:
"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
Yeah I remember alot of these as they happened live, & I love seeing the outtake programmes!!
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Old 06-13-2007, 01:46 PM   #212
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Fruit Polos

A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first year school children, using a bowl of fruit Polo's.
He gave all the children the same kind of Polo, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour.
The children began to say:
"Red............cherry,"
"Yellow.........lemon,"
"Green..........lime,"
"Orange........orange."
Finally the professor gave them all honey Polos. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.

"Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled:
"Oh My God!!!! They're ar*eholes!!"
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Old 06-13-2007, 02:24 PM   #213
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hahaha, thats great!^
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Old 06-13-2007, 02:27 PM   #214
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Lawyer In Heaven

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission.

The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, “Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?”

“Phew, that one's easy,” says the teacher, “The Titanic.”

“Alright,” said St.Peter, “you may pass.”

Then the thief got his question: “How many died on the Titanic?”

The thief replied, “That's a toughy, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500 people.” And so he passed through.

Last, St. Peter gave the lawyer his question: “Name them.”
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Old 06-13-2007, 02:35 PM   #215
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A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money."
The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"

The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"
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Old 06-13-2007, 03:39 PM   #216
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raffaz View Post
Fruit Polos

A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first year school children, using a bowl of fruit Polo's.
He gave all the children the same kind of Polo, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour.
The children began to say:
"Red............cherry,"
"Yellow.........lemon,"
"Green..........lime,"
"Orange........orange."
Finally the professor gave them all honey Polos. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.

"Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled:
"Oh My God!!!! They're ar*eholes!!"
hahahaha.
Seriously, I should give you rep for these jokes once in a while but it always says that I have to spread it around first. But someday I'll give you rep
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Old 06-14-2007, 09:53 AM   #217
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Language study

Two blonds meet.
The first one greets the other with a "Good morning".
The other replies with "Ahhh, mon amie. Ca va?"
The first one looks puzzled and asks "...what's that?"
Second: "well, that's Frensh. It's the language spoken in France. I picked it up from the radio."
First: "Where did you find that?"
Second: "Well, just find Radio 2, then give two turns on the dial and there it is."
.....
A few months later they meet again.
First: "Bonjour mademoiselle. Ca va?"
Second: "kkrrzzzzzggrrrzzzzzkrrhkhhhkrkrkrkrrrzzzzz"
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Old 06-14-2007, 10:01 AM   #218
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

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Originally Posted by Raffaz View Post
Language study

Two blonds meet.
The first one greets the other with a "Good morning".
The other replies with "Ahhh, mon amie. Ca va?"
The first one looks puzzled and asks "...what's that?"
Second: "well, that's Frensh. It's the language spoken in France. I picked it up from the radio."
First: "Where did you find that?"
Second: "Well, just find Radio 2, then give two turns on the dial and there it is."
.....
A few months later they meet again.
First: "Bonjour mademoiselle. Ca va?"
Second: "kkrrzzzzzggrrrzzzzzkrrhkhhhkrkrkrkrrrzzzzz"
Yery good, I wonder if the others will get it?, chuckle.
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Old 06-14-2007, 04:59 PM   #219
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

lol
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Old 06-14-2007, 07:41 PM   #220
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Default Re: Jokes Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raffaz View Post
Language study

Two blonds meet.
The first one greets the other with a "Good morning".
The other replies with "Ahhh, mon amie. Ca va?"
The first one looks puzzled and asks "...what's that?"
Second: "well, that's Frensh. It's the language spoken in France. I picked it up from the radio."
First: "Where did you find that?"
Second: "Well, just find Radio 2, then give two turns on the dial and there it is."
.....
A few months later they meet again.
First: "Bonjour mademoiselle. Ca va?"
Second: "kkrrzzzzzggrrrzzzzzkrrhkhhhkrkrkrkrrrzzzzz"
Heh, yayy for radio static!
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