Jokes Thread

[Celegorm]

Lol nice. I heard an American version of that before where the B&Q was replaced with the Home depot.

 

[hascet]

Is B&Q a hardware store?

edit:^nevermind lol

 

[~NeonFire372~]

This just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers.





Are you male or female? To find out the answer, look down...



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LOOK down, not scroll down, idiot.

 

[Raffaz]

This just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers.





Are you male or female? To find out the answer, look down...



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LOOK down, not scroll down, idiot.

You just posted this the other day lol

 

[Brookfield]

Is B&Q a hardware store

It's an "anything" store/warehouse, the biggest in Europe, anything from a potted plant to conservatories & ride-on mowers you must the equivalent where you live.

www.diyappliancewarehouse.com

 

[~NeonFire372~]

You just posted this the other day lol

I did? I tried to but I got a database error so I gave up and tried again then, didn't know it really went through.

 

[Brookfield]

I did? I tried to but I got a database error so I gave up and tried again then, didn't know it really went through.

That happens to me too.

 

[~NeonFire372~]

A young newly wed couple wanted to join a church.

The reverend told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously very depressed.

You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the Reverend inquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month...." the young man replied sadly.

The Reverend asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult.... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.

The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain."

"However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible.... anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.

One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was so overcome with lust that I had my way with her right then and there." Admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the Reverend.

"We know." said the young man, hanging his head. "We're not welcome at B&Q either."

HAHA!

 

[muz]

some sexist jokes , if you are a women and are offended , all i can say is what are you doing out of the kitchen

If your dog is barking at the back door and Your Wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
You hit her.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.


How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark!

Why do women live longer than men?
Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.


Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you?
made the chain too long


The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.

How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower?
Give the bitch a shovel

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
Lipstick

 

[~NeonFire372~]

some sexist jokes , if you are a women and are offended , all i can say is what are you doing out of the kitchen

If your dog is barking at the back door and Your Wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
You hit her.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.


How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark!

Why do women live longer than men?
Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.


Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you?
made the chain too long


The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.

How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower?
Give the bitch a shovel

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
Lipstick

I love the "If you're offended, all I can say is what are you doing out of the kitchen" part.