Go Back   Computer Forums > Welcome To Computer Forums .org > Social Lounge | Off Topic
Join Computer forums Today


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 11-27-2014, 02:57 PM   #61
Fully Optimized
 
Draygoes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 1,636
Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Death.
Death whoargh!*collapses*
__________________

__________________
Working on new projects and expanding our horizons. Come by and see what we're up to now. www.multirotorplatforms.com/forum.php
Draygoes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-27-2014, 04:10 PM   #62
The Candy Man
 
~mr mixx~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 10,853
Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Funny stuff, keep it coming.....

I sold some crack today, the undercover cop liked it so much that he gave me 2 silver bracelets and a ride in the backseat to his club house...we even took pictures.

-----------------------------------------------------

Me: Is there a problem officer?
Cop: You were swerving alot back there
Me: Well I had 8 beers officer
Cop: Thats no excuse to let your wife drive.

---------------------------------------------------

Roses are red Violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you But the Roses are wilting and the Violets are dead the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head.

--------------------------------------------------

Wife: I am going to Brazil. What gift do you want?
Husband: A Brazilian girl.
Wife: Alright.
(Wife returns to USA)
Husband: Where's my gift?
Wife: Wait 9 months.
__________________

__________________
" Let the music move you "
~mr mixx~ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-27-2014, 04:18 PM   #63
Fully Optimized
 
Draygoes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 1,636
Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Nice!


The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fife is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window!"
-------------------------------------
Q: What did the general say to his men before they got in the tank?
A: Get in the tank.
__________________
Working on new projects and expanding our horizons. Come by and see what we're up to now. www.multirotorplatforms.com/forum.php
Draygoes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-27-2014, 04:29 PM   #64
Fully Optimized
 
Draygoes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 1,636
Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

So three guys are standing on top of the CN-tower. The first guy turns to the second and says:
"Hey Bill, you know if you drink 40 beers and jump off, you float right back to the top."
The third guy, Hank, is shocked to here this and answers:
"Thats impossible unless you're...."
"Yeah, I don't believe that." Interrupted Bill.
"Fine, tell you what, I'll prove it." Says the first guy. So they go down, he drinks 40 beers as fast as he can. They go back to the top of the tower an watch the first guy jump off, Bill figures he's going to die.

Suddenly, the first guy floats back to the top of the tower.
"See, told you so."

So Bill runs down the tower, and into the nearest bar, and downs 40 beers as fast as he can. He gets back to the top of the tower, takes a running start, jumps, and hits the ground. Bill died instantly.

Hank turns to the first guy, sighing, and says:
"You know, sometimes, you're a real asshole Superman."
__________________
Working on new projects and expanding our horizons. Come by and see what we're up to now. www.multirotorplatforms.com/forum.php
Draygoes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2014, 03:44 AM   #65
Fully Optimized
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: England, Birmingham
Posts: 1,583
Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Draygoes View Post
Nice!


The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fife is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window!"
Aahaa, brilliant!
__________________
Athlon II x4 645 || 1TB 7200rpm HDD || EVGA GTX 650Ti OC || 8GB DDR3 RAM || Windows 7 Home x64

i5 4210M || 500GB Samsung EVO 850 SSD || GeForce 825M || 16GB DDR3 RAM || Windows 10 x64
joedaman633 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2014, 12:53 PM   #66
Fully Optimized
 
Celery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,034
Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

And now, heeeere's Johnny:

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. "Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. "My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied. "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your cat!"

A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?" "Heaven! Heaven!" Yelled Little Lisa. "And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest. "Dead!" Yelled Little Johnny.

The teacher was asking the end of the day question that she asks every Friday. If the student got it right they would not have to go to school on Monday. Little Johnny Was determined to answer correctly. So he painted two black marbles black and rolled them to the teachers feet. All of a sudden she Shouted out, "Who's the commedian with the black balls?". Johnny shouted out, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday suckas!".

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."
__________________
I yam what I yam
Celery is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2014, 11:22 PM   #67
Fully Optimized
 
Draygoes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 1,636
Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

@Celery: I was actually supprised to find that I had only read 2 of those before. I thought I had seen most of the Lil Johnny jokes, but you caught me off guard this time.
Thanks for the wonderful laugh!
__________________
Working on new projects and expanding our horizons. Come by and see what we're up to now. www.multirotorplatforms.com/forum.php
Draygoes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-30-2014, 08:52 AM   #68
Fully Optimized
 
Draygoes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 1,636
Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Mullberry Hill

A teacher is taking roll call, and a boy comes in late. The teacher asks him where he has been. and he says ''On top of Mullberry Hill.'' Then a little bit later another boy comes in late, and the teacher asks him where he has been. And he says ''On top of Mullberry Hill.'' Then a third boy comes in late, and the teacher asks him where he has been. And he says '' On top of Mulberry Hill'' Then a girl comes into the classroom and says shes a new student, and the teacher asks her name, and she says, Mullberry Hill.

---------- Post added at 07:52 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:48 AM ----------

A man named Dave has forgotten about his anniversary, so he tries to apologize to his wife, when she says
"If there isn't something that can go from zero to two hundred in six seconds in our driveway by tomorrow morning, I'll beat you over the head with a frying pan!"

The next morning she gets up and immediately looks out the window into her driveway. All she can see is a small package, so she puts on a dressing gown and goes to collect the package. Dave was at work, so she could not beat him over the head. Yet. She brings the package inside and opens it. It is a set of weighing scales.

Dave hasn't been seen since last Friday.
__________________
Working on new projects and expanding our horizons. Come by and see what we're up to now. www.multirotorplatforms.com/forum.php
Draygoes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-30-2014, 09:03 AM   #69
Fully Optimized
 
Draygoes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 1,636
Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

An vaccum sales man is going door to door with his fool proof sale technique. He takes one of his vaccums and a bucket full of thick cow crap, pours the cow crap in the entrance to the people's house and then says that if his vaccum can't clean it, he'll eat it himself. Most people are amazed when the vaccum does in fact, clean up said cow crap and then proceed to buy a vaccum. So he comes upon this old lady's house and proceeds with his pitch, she is very skeptical. He tells her "Mam' if my vaccum can't clean this mess up, I'll eat it myself," and she laughs and says "Have fun jerkass, the power has been out all day,"
__________________
Working on new projects and expanding our horizons. Come by and see what we're up to now. www.multirotorplatforms.com/forum.php
Draygoes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-30-2014, 05:19 PM   #70
The Candy Man
 
~mr mixx~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 10,853
Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Good one....

"Hey Daddy there's a lady jogging over there."
Sorry son, we need room in the trunk for groceries but good eye, son, good eye.

------------------------------------------

The sight of a woman's cleavage reduces a man's ability to think clearly by 50%... per boob!

------------------------------------------

Wife: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
Husband: "Stop blaming the dress, It's your fat that makes you look fat."

----------------------------------------

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

----------------------------------------

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
__________________

__________________
" Let the music move you "
~mr mixx~ is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:51 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0