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Old 03-09-2016, 03:40 AM   #471
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Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Jonathan: Hey Jacob, you heard? They say people landed on the moon!

Jacob: Seriously? way cool bro!

Jonathan: But no one landed on the sun ever. Come, let's land on the sun and be the first.

Jacob: Are you crazy? It's too hot over there. We will burn to crisp.

Jonathan: Ha, I'm not that stupid. Let's do it at night.
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Old 03-10-2016, 12:57 AM   #472
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Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smart_Guy View Post
Jonathan: Hey Jacob, you heard? They say people landed on the moon!

Jacob: Seriously? way cool bro!

Jonathan: But no one landed on the sun ever. Come, let's land on the sun and be the first.

Jacob: Are you crazy? It's too hot over there. We will burn to crisp.

Jonathan: Ha, I'm not that stupid. Let's do it at night.
As was once said of a different circumstance but is none the less fitting to this..."not with a bang but a whimper".
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Old 03-11-2016, 01:14 AM   #473
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Technician View Post
As was once said of a different circumstance but is none the less fitting to this..."not with a bang but a whimper".
Yeah

Ah, dunno what that means really. It just sounds cool!
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Old 03-11-2016, 09:43 AM   #474
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Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

The hollow men is a poem by TS Elliot.

THE HOLLOW MEN:

Mistah Kurtz—he dead.

A penny for the Old GuyI
We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us—if at all—not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.

II
Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death's dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind's singing
More distant and more solemn
Than a fading star.

Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer—

Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom

III
This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death's other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.

IV
The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death's twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.

V
Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
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Old 03-11-2016, 03:33 PM   #475
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Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Talk about derailing a thread...
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Old 03-11-2016, 03:43 PM   #476
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Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Technician View Post
The hollow men is a poem by TS Elliot.

THE HOLLOW MEN:

Mistah Kurtz—he dead.

A penny for the Old GuyI
We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us—if at all—not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.

II
Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death's dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind's singing
More distant and more solemn
Than a fading star.

Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer—

Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom

III
This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death's other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.

IV
The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death's twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.

V
Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
What kinda poultry is that?
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Old 03-11-2016, 05:58 PM   #477
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Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Quote:
Originally Posted by setishock View Post
Talk about derailing a thread...
The thread is 'jokes and stuff', and he said he hadn't heard of the reference, and seeing as how it definitely fit into the 'stuff' category, it seemed appropriate. Pun intended.

See? Now you get the whole circle of life, the reference, the poem, and the pun bringing it all back to 'jokes'

I guess it isn't funny when you have to explain it.
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Old 03-11-2016, 07:23 PM   #478
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Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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Old 03-11-2016, 11:55 PM   #479
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Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~mr mixx~ View Post
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Ever since you said the above in red, I had a serious bad feeling that gave me a headache in my stomach.
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Old 03-12-2016, 06:54 AM   #480
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Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

If you can name 3 Kardashians but you can't even name 3 elements off the periodic table go shower with ur toaster oven while it's connected.
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