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Old 02-10-2015, 11:02 AM   #151
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Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

A gentleman walked into a diner and says to the waitress, "I'll have a set of headlights and four hubcaps."

This confused the waitress, but she wrote it down and went to check with the cook.

The cook replies, "That is just old short-order slang. What he wants is two eggs overeasy and a stack of four pancakes.

The waitress says, "I'll fix him!" and serves him a bowl of beans.

"Hey, this aint what I ordered," he bellows.

"Well, I thought while you were waiting for spare parts, you might want to gas up"
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Old 02-13-2015, 05:49 PM   #152
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The Chinaman moved to Greece and found a restaurant that served great fried rice. His problem was that he only can pronounce it as "Flied Lice". The waiter would snicker when he makes his orders and after every time he come in, more people gathered around to hear him say it.

That embarrassed him so much that he went to a speech therapist and learned how to say Fried Rice. Later he went to the restaurant and said, :May I have some fried rice please?"

The waiter was taken back and said, "What did you say??"

I SAID FRIED RICE YOU FLIGGIN GLEEK!
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Old 02-13-2015, 06:00 PM   #153
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Nice one Celery.
----------------------------------------
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
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Old 02-13-2015, 07:19 PM   #154
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LOL, good one mixx.
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Old 02-13-2015, 08:24 PM   #155
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Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Along the same lines as Celery's joke.

A man goes into a restaurant and the waiter, noting that he is Asian, says, "Would you like to order some Flied Lice?" as he laughs out loud.

The Chinese gent replies, "It's pronounced Fried Rice you plick!"
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Old 02-14-2015, 01:39 AM   #156
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Default Re: Jokes N Stuff!

Oh, the Chinese also pronounce /s/ as /sh/ in some contexts. Imagine a restaurant that has "city" at the beginning of every order they have and a Chinese person making orders there.
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Old 02-15-2015, 07:42 PM   #157
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I'm having a city day today.
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Old 02-15-2015, 10:55 PM   #158
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Celery View Post
I'm having a city day today.
What u talkin bout Willis?

-------------------------------------------------------

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
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Old 02-16-2015, 01:25 AM   #159
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Celery View Post
I'm having a city day today.
Don't we all sometimes?

Wait, chairs aren't made to sit under them!

Oops, did I just say sit?

-----------------------------------------

A barber finished trimming a customer's hair then asked him: "is this good enough?" The customers replies back "nope, I want it a little longer!"
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Old 02-17-2015, 12:38 AM   #160
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smart_Guy View Post
Don't we all sometimes?

Wait, chairs aren't made to sit under them!

Oops, did I just say sit?

-----------------------------------------

A barber finished trimming a customer's hair then asked him: "is this good enough?" The customers replies back "nope, I want it a little longer!"
Sit works.
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