Re: I beat old Nicky
Not to make this about me (I am so very happy for you, as I have already stated), but I thought that it would be OK for me to at least vent.
Its no secret that I am a recovering heroin addict. I have been off the stuff for 7 years now. I only say this, because what I am about to say would be insulting to anyone whom doesnt know the background. I was fully addicted for about 3 years (I started early) and it turned out that I had a number of problems with quitting that where not connected to my amount of usage. 5 Dimes (half a gram) per day was my norm. It turned out that quitting ment dealing with demons that I had not been able to deal with before. Chronic anxiaty attacks sense I was a child was the main problem. Depression was another. (A nice mix of mental health issues that feed eachother do not help when you have found a solution for all...) Anyway, it was killing me, so I decided one day that I was sick of getting sick from the crap and got professional help. Two weeks later, and I could kiss my heroin addiction goodbye without any more withdraws. I am now on Valium for the anxiety so that is a great start. Remember, its been 7 years sense my last hit of heroin.
I know that I said a lot up there, but I feel like those details are needed as I explain my last attempt to quit the cigs.
First, I end up in jail. I had a bit too much to drink, but that was litterally my only crime. No violance, anything like that. The neibors did not like the fact that I was talking so loudly with a friend of mine. The police officer that I delt with did not like people drinking either it seems.
Balch Springs seems to make up its own laws, because they did not hold me for the simple 1, or 2 day time. I was held until the circut judge could see me. 5 days later, they saw me and gave me a ticket. No, I did not get time served, but this is not an attempt to explain or complain about my jail stay. That is behind me.
During the time that I was free of cigs. Every.Single.Day... I needed one. It was not a contest of option. My body kicked me so hard, it felt like heroin withdraws all over again, with the exact same symptoms but no meds to help with them. All five days with the sweating, nausia, you get the idea...
I smoked the second I was out of there.
That, however, was not my first real attempt at quitting.
My first real attempt was made because I felt like as long as I had the Valium and was in the stress free environment of home and friends, I could hold it out. Two days in, I was going out of my mind like I was back in jail. I chose to stay away from Alchol, because that would have only made things worse. 5 Days in, it was as bad as it had always been with no recess. I really thought it would be a little more simple by then. 8 days in and it started to get worse. Everything from before, but now I was dreaming of them, I could no longer use the things that I used before to keep myself buisy because the kicks where so hard I could not consentrate. If there was a hell for the living, I felt like I was in some part of it. 10 days... no change. But, I was assured that it would not go on for much longer. Days 11 through 13 passed and I was at the point where I had no choice but to give up. You can say it was mental, but I have had mental withdraws before. This was not that. My experiance with heroin had taught me the difference. It is big. Day 14 I gave up.
I felt like a failure for a while, but then I was informed of a fact that I did not have when I started that adventure. For the average person, even one that smokes 3 packs per day, quitting was going to be different. The combination of mental health issues, and other body issues ment that this task was not only going to be a lot longer than it is for the normal person, but also a LOT more difficult. I was adviced not to do it again without the help of a medical professional. Apparently there are blockers (a form of med) that can not only block nic but also trick your brain into thinking that you have had it. I also need somthing for depression, so there is that.
I only say all of this because I want you to know that I understand how you feel. I want free, and cannot wait to be so.
Sorry if this was long and rambleing. I couldnt help it once I started LOL