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Old 12-07-2006, 06:49 AM   #1
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Default Ho ho ho santa

A Christmas Story
'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots....they think - I'm IBM!
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season.
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Old 12-07-2006, 07:20 AM   #2
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Default Re: Ho ho ho santa

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raffaz
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
lol, thats the part where I started laughing.
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Old 12-07-2006, 07:28 AM   #3
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Default Re: Ho ho ho santa

haha good :P
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Old 12-07-2006, 07:34 AM   #4
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Default Re: Ho ho ho santa

Nice pun in the last sentence!
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Old 12-07-2006, 08:38 AM   #5
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Default Re: Ho ho ho santa

wtf is a pun????
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Old 12-07-2006, 09:06 AM   #6
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Default Re: Ho ho ho santa

Haha.......I've read that before but I laugh everytime I do!
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Old 12-07-2006, 11:14 AM   #7
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Default Re: Ho ho ho santa

Quote:
Originally Posted by borat_sagdiyev
wtf is a pun????
A pun (also known as paronomasia) is a figure of speech which consists of a deliberate confusion of similar words or phrases for rhetorical effect, whether humorous or serious. A pun can rely on the assumed equivalency of multiple similar words (homonymy), of different shades of meaning of one word (polysemy), or of a literal meaning with a metaphor. Bad puns are sometimes called "cheesy".

Why do i get the feeling your still gonna be confused lol
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Old 12-07-2006, 11:21 AM   #8
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Default Re: Ho ho ho santa

lol nice!! haha that reminds me of back in elementary school when we all used to torment the bus driver with a similar poem. It goes a little something like this:

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Everyone felt shitty, even the mouse.
Mom in the whore house, Dad smoking grass,
I had just settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn I saw a big d***,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew in a moment, the f***er had fell.
He filled up our stockings with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber d*** for my brother the queer.
He rose out the chimney with a thunderous fart,
The son of a bitch blew the chimney apart!
He cursed and he swore as he rose out of sight,
"PISS ON YOU ALL AND HAVE A HELL OF A NIGHT!"


that was a poem that I learned 10 years ago and I still have it memorized to this day. Obviously not as long as the other one but I thought it would still be good for a laugh.


-edit-
the mixx say's funny but blunt..
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Old 12-07-2006, 12:08 PM   #9
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Default Re: Ho ho ho santa

@ D88, that was a great one!
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Old 12-07-2006, 12:35 PM   #10
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Default Re: Ho ho ho santa

nice
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