listen lad I have been where you are now on a couple of times first when I lost my father to a sudden heart attack, he was like my best Friend who I spent hours upon hours fishing with, I was 23 at the time and it knocked the stuffing out me, I went and got dangerously drunk on whiskey (stupid thing now when I think back) I didn't want to know my wife or anybody I was like you are now feeling rock bottom, I eventually was persuaded to get counseling and that helped tremendously, all you need to do is make a list of all your feelings and then take it to your doctor he will put you in touch with the necessary counseling people, The first step is always the hardest please do it for yourself, If you have a good Friend who you can confide in who is prepared to listen and give constructive help back, then by all means go to them, I also lost a baby son which I wish no other person in the world to have to go through, again I slipped down that depressing path as did my wife this time but with more concealing we got it together and now have a beautiful little girl who we dote on, so chin up lad there is always someone who is willing to listen or help.