I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high...
She looked surprised!
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I threw a boomerang a few years ago...
I now live in constant fear!
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My girlfriend accused me of being immature...
I told her to get out of my fort!
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Parallel lines have so much in common...
Too bad they'll never meet!
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My grandfather has a heart of a lion...
He's banned from the zoo for good!
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Women call me ugly until they found out how much money I make...
Now they call me ugly and poor!
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You are not completely useless...
You can always serve as a bad example!
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I broke my finger last week...
On the other hand, I'm ok!
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Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds...
Poor bastard!
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Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay...
You have my Word!
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I tried to catch fog today...
Mist!
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How does Moses make his coffee?...
Hebrews it!
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Why do cows wear bells?...
Because their horns don't work!
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Where did Sally go when there's bombing?...
Everywhere!