Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Happiness is...
- Thread starter Celery
- Start date
This old man and woman had been married for 30 years.
In those 30 years, the woman had always insisted on the the lights being off when they had sex as she was embarrassed.
The man was thankful for this really as he was embarrassed too and scared that he couldn't please her, so in the dark he always used a big dildo on her.
After all these years of sex, she still had no idea that's what he did.
One day, she decided that they'd been together so long that there was no reason to be embarrassed even though her body was now old. So in the middle of sex she reached over and turned the bedside lamp on, only to see that her husband was using a dildo.
She said angrily, “I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!â€
The man replied, “Ok, but first – explain the kids!â€
In those 30 years, the woman had always insisted on the the lights being off when they had sex as she was embarrassed.
The man was thankful for this really as he was embarrassed too and scared that he couldn't please her, so in the dark he always used a big dildo on her.
After all these years of sex, she still had no idea that's what he did.
One day, she decided that they'd been together so long that there was no reason to be embarrassed even though her body was now old. So in the middle of sex she reached over and turned the bedside lamp on, only to see that her husband was using a dildo.
She said angrily, “I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!â€
The man replied, “Ok, but first – explain the kids!â€
Comebacks:
I'd give you a nasty look but you've already got one.
If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
If I wanted a bitch, I'd have bought a dog.
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ass.
I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.
Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
You're so fat you could sell shade.
Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?
Your lips keep moving but all I hear is “Blah, blah, blah.â€
Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.
You'll never be the man your mother is.
Did you know they used to be called “Jumpolines†until your mum jumped on one?
Just because you have one doesn't mean you need to act like one.
I'm sorry, was I meant to be offended? The only thing offending me is your face.
Someday you'll go far… and I hope you stay there.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.
Stupidity's not a crime, so you're free to go.
If I had a face like yours I'd sue my parents.
Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news – they found your head.
No, those pants don't make you look fatter – how could they?
What's the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
Save your breath – you'll need it to blow up your date.
You're not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.
If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
The zoo called. They're wondering how you got out of your cage?
Jesus loves you… but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.
Hey, you have something on your chin… no, the 3rd one down.
Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.
Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing.
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take the garbage out.
You're so ugly when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away.
When you were born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to your dad, “I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.â€
I'm sorry I didn't get that – I don't speak idiot.
Quick – check your face! I just found your nose in my business.
It's better to let someone think you're stupid than open your mouth and prove it.
Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.
Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
I've been called worse by better.
You're such a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful person. Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were having a lying competition.
I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bull.
Don't you get tired of putting make up on two faces every morning?
I'd slap you but I don't want to make your face look any better.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people.
Gay? I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.
I just stepped in something that was smarter than you… and smelled better too.
You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
I'd give you a nasty look but you've already got one.
If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
If I wanted a bitch, I'd have bought a dog.
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ass.
I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission.
Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
You're so fat you could sell shade.
Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?
Your lips keep moving but all I hear is “Blah, blah, blah.â€
Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.
You'll never be the man your mother is.
Did you know they used to be called “Jumpolines†until your mum jumped on one?
Just because you have one doesn't mean you need to act like one.
I'm sorry, was I meant to be offended? The only thing offending me is your face.
Someday you'll go far… and I hope you stay there.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.
Stupidity's not a crime, so you're free to go.
If I had a face like yours I'd sue my parents.
Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news – they found your head.
No, those pants don't make you look fatter – how could they?
What's the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
Save your breath – you'll need it to blow up your date.
You're not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.
If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
The zoo called. They're wondering how you got out of your cage?
Jesus loves you… but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.
Hey, you have something on your chin… no, the 3rd one down.
Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.
Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing.
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take the garbage out.
You're so ugly when you look in the mirror, your reflection looks away.
When you were born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to your dad, “I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.â€
I'm sorry I didn't get that – I don't speak idiot.
Quick – check your face! I just found your nose in my business.
It's better to let someone think you're stupid than open your mouth and prove it.
Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.
Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
I've been called worse by better.
You're such a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful person. Oh I'm sorry, I thought we were having a lying competition.
I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bull.
Don't you get tired of putting make up on two faces every morning?
I'd slap you but I don't want to make your face look any better.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people.
Gay? I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.
I just stepped in something that was smarter than you… and smelled better too.
You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Hehehe!! Like those!
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
Wallaby Dan
Fully Optimized
- Messages
- 4,469
- Location
- United States
No, not really, you want to give me one? If so it has to have a new body to go with it!!!
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