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Old 05-12-2009, 06:47 AM   #1
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Default God gets owned:

My girlfriend just sent me this and I found it pretty amusing:


Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,

"as a fanboy i refuse to admit it and will pull countless things out of my butt to disprove it"

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Old 05-12-2009, 09:40 AM   #2
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Default Re: God gets owned:

Very nice, lol. Id love to hear here responses... but I get she just ignored it.

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Old 05-12-2009, 09:54 AM   #3
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Default Re: God gets owned:

Wow he makes some really good points there. I want answers...

I really hope my whole town doesn't come stone me though because I was just throwing around a football with my buddy the other day. Oh crap i gotta go here they come...
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Old 05-12-2009, 10:53 AM   #4
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Default Re: God gets owned:

Just did my religious education exam today so our curriculum is complete and ze only have two RE periods left. I might show this to my teacher. See what he says. How come any of the bible be followed if so much of it is out of date?
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Old 05-12-2009, 12:04 PM   #5
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Default Re: God gets owned:

absolutely loved it....
sometimes i come across a talk show, something like that - i hear such blabber - good to read a reply hah!
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Old 05-12-2009, 01:55 PM   #6
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Default Re: God gets owned:

man religious people can be nuts sometimes.....
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Old 05-12-2009, 02:48 PM   #7
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Default Re: God gets owned:

^ Reasons why I am christian.
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Old 05-12-2009, 03:03 PM   #8
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Default Re: God gets owned:

Hahah, loved it. +1 for you.
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Old 05-12-2009, 03:56 PM   #9
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I meant it in a bad way.... my gramma was gonna get arrested for interferring with court proceedings, barging in and "praying" to the prisoners on trial..... she's nuts in a bad way.
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Old 05-12-2009, 04:02 PM   #10
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Default Re: God gets owned:

Snopes.com: Letter to Dr. Laura

In early October 2000, Dr. Schlessinger, ran a full-page ad in Variety offering an apology for what she called "poorly chosen" words about homosexuality.

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