Go Back   Computer Forums > Welcome To Computer Forums .org > Social Lounge | Off Topic
Click Here to Login
Join Computer forums Today


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 03-02-2010, 09:30 AM   #1
Daemon Poster
 
hemp's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,304
Default Feedback

This assignment for English was to find a poem you like and bring it in, I decided to just write my own. Tell me what you guys think and how I can improve it.

Computers come big and small
Some for lan, some for all
faster processor, more speed
more ram, but that's not all you need
dual screen, dual boot
seven proxies, to be like moot
bigger hard drives, more space
just to win the computing race
which motherboard to use
pick the wrong one and you may lose
fanboys rooting on their brand
always thinking that their idea is grand
Anonymous terrorizing you
because that's what they like to do
just when you think you're done
six months later upgrades have just begun

This was written pretty quick so any criticism would be appreciated. Thanks guys.
__________________

__________________
Current Rig-I call him Q Core for short
Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Quad CPU Q8200 @ 2.33GHz 2.34 GHz|6.0GB RAM|NVIDIA GeForce 9500 GT 1GB|1.5TB @ 7200 RPM|Sound Blaster X-Fi-Xtreme Audio|Vista Home Premium

'"Crapbox 2.0.....Until you put Mac OS X on it, then its called a Mac Pro." -cavemangrinder

"You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do." - Kurt Vonnegut
hemp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 10:48 AM   #2
Daemon Poster
 
Legodude522's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,303
Default Re: Feedback

That's pretty cool. Do you have to read it for the class?

This reminds me of the poem Kumar did in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay.
__________________

__________________
PC: Intel i7 4790K, 16gb RAM, MSI R7 250 2gb
Phone: Apple iPhone 6s 64gb
Handheld Games: Nintendo 3DS XL, Tapwave Zodiac 2, GamePark Holdings GP2X F100
Legodude522 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 11:40 AM   #3
Daemon Poster
 
hemp's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,304
Default Re: Feedback

Lol now that I think about it it does remind me of that poem. I haven't been told if we are reading the poems, but I felt like writing my own instead of just using someone else's.
__________________
Current Rig-I call him Q Core for short
Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Quad CPU Q8200 @ 2.33GHz 2.34 GHz|6.0GB RAM|NVIDIA GeForce 9500 GT 1GB|1.5TB @ 7200 RPM|Sound Blaster X-Fi-Xtreme Audio|Vista Home Premium

'"Crapbox 2.0.....Until you put Mac OS X on it, then its called a Mac Pro." -cavemangrinder

"You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do." - Kurt Vonnegut
hemp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 11:47 AM   #4
Fully Optimized
 
dude_56013's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 4,262
Default Re: Feedback

Loose -> lose.
dude_56013 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 11:49 AM   #5
Fully Optimized
 
eslfish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,604
Send a message via AIM to eslfish Send a message via MSN to eslfish Send a message via Yahoo to eslfish
Default Re: Feedback

I thought it was really good, it didn't seem that flowing. But that's just because I read it straight in through! +1
__________________
XFIRE: Lindmando STEAM: Lindmando
Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Duo CPU E8400 @ 3.00GHz (2 CPUs), ~3.0GHz
4094MB RAM 500 GB HD ATI Radeon™ HD 5850 8800 GT
Windows 7 64-bit Ultimate
eslfish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 11:50 AM   #6
Omnicide now.
 
foothead's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: My own personal hell
Posts: 10,014
Default Re: Feedback

haha that's awesome. Only good poem I ever wrote was about manbearpig.
foothead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 07:12 PM   #7
Daemon Poster
 
hemp's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,304
Default Re: Feedback

Quote:
Originally Posted by dude_56013 View Post
Loose -> lose.
It's due tomorrow and I noticed that just haven't changed it haha
__________________
Current Rig-I call him Q Core for short
Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Quad CPU Q8200 @ 2.33GHz 2.34 GHz|6.0GB RAM|NVIDIA GeForce 9500 GT 1GB|1.5TB @ 7200 RPM|Sound Blaster X-Fi-Xtreme Audio|Vista Home Premium

'"Crapbox 2.0.....Until you put Mac OS X on it, then its called a Mac Pro." -cavemangrinder

"You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do." - Kurt Vonnegut
hemp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 07:31 PM   #8
Daemon Poster
 
dudelewis1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 765
Default Re: Feedback

That's pretty cool.
Only poem I've ever written was about Doom
__________________
Athlon II x2 255 @ 3.1ghz | 4 gb ddr3 ram| 500+80 gb wd hd | Sapphire 5450 | Win7 | Hanns G 20"

Toshiba Satellite | Core2Duo @ 2.0 ghz | 3gb ram | 250 gb hd | lolintelgma | Ubuntu 10.04
dudelewis1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 07:41 PM   #9
Daemon Poster
 
hemp's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,304
Default Re: Feedback

Lol I was going to write one about either WoW or 4chan just as a joke, but decided that I might as well make it some what serious, but try and have a little fun with it. For about 5 minutes of work I think it is acceptable.
__________________
Current Rig-I call him Q Core for short
Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Quad CPU Q8200 @ 2.33GHz 2.34 GHz|6.0GB RAM|NVIDIA GeForce 9500 GT 1GB|1.5TB @ 7200 RPM|Sound Blaster X-Fi-Xtreme Audio|Vista Home Premium

'"Crapbox 2.0.....Until you put Mac OS X on it, then its called a Mac Pro." -cavemangrinder

"You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do." - Kurt Vonnegut
hemp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 08:27 PM   #10
Fully Optimized
 
cboucher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 1,652
Default Re: Feedback

I prefer the poetry of Andrew Dice Clay, myself...
__________________

__________________
But I'm trying, Ringo. I'm trying real hard... to be the Shepherd.
cboucher is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:35 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0