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Old 10-12-2005, 03:35 AM   #1
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Default Death

Ok this may seem an odd question ButI'm gonna ask it anyways

The girl I likes grandmother died 3 days ago, and she just found out today.. And I want to like, be there for her but would that be a bad thing to do? Sometimes people want to be left alone when something bad like that happens

I mean, She's taking it pretty hard and all.. I don't know If I should console her or what.. What should I do? Be there for her, give her space, tell her its gonna be alright? Ive never lost anyone In my family so I couldn't even know how she must be feeling right now..

Man and it sucks too, I was going to ask her out tommorow too! talk about bad timing.. That sounded selfish but you know what I mean
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Old 10-12-2005, 03:57 AM   #2
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Default Re: Death

Dunno...it's hard to anticipate...sometimes they might want you to help, but then sometimes they might lash out at you for butting in. Just ask. It never hurts.
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Old 10-12-2005, 09:14 AM   #3
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Default Re: Death

just go to her and be there to listen, let her talk and let it all out, it'll sure make her feel better. just be the nice guy and offer to help in any way you can, give her your phone number and tell her to call anytime if she needs to talk.
and DON'T.......I repeat...DON'T ask her out anytime soon, at least a couple weeks.
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Old 10-12-2005, 09:56 AM   #4
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Default Re: Death

This is a good opportunity to get to understand her more. Try to comfort her and lighten up the mood if she's really sad. I had a friend who's 4 year old son drowned in a swimming pool a few weeks ago and everytime she came to work with me, she would cry a lot. I try to be funny and make her laugh or say some things that may crack a smile. Laughter is always the best medicine. It definitely works. If she insist on talking about it, let her pour it on you and try to support her that way. If she doesn't want to talk about her, she'll make it known to you. If you're religious, you can explain the aftermath of death and comfort her in that sense.
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Old 10-12-2005, 10:08 AM   #5
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Default Re: Death

Yeah, the best thing I could advise is to listen to her, like Tommy Boy says. Its the only thing that works for a while.

I definitely wouldn't give her space in the sense of leaving her and not talking to her. She'll take it as something bad, that you've left her at a time of need. Not a good thing to do. If you are close to her, you should know what to do

TRDCorolla was good being jokey when she came to work, but its not the thing to try to do when it's just happened and the feelings are still there raw.
She'd probably feel guilty about laughing and somehow blaim herself, or even get angry at you for being unsupportive of how shes feeling, and that you can be putting jokes at her.

So yeah, just be there for her.
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Old 10-12-2005, 05:04 PM   #6
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Default Re: Death

i would just say im sorry or something like that. If she keeps talking about it then go with it. If she just shruggs it off then let it go. The one thing that you dont want to do is bring it up alot and sound like ur tryin to create one of those lovey sappy scenes in the movies where she cries and u hug her. Just be real about it. Some people dont care that much. I know it sounds horrible but when my Grandma died of course I was sad but I didnt wanna go around mopping. You just need to move on in life.
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Old 10-12-2005, 05:37 PM   #7
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Default Re: Death

Attempt to help her with it. Don't just shy away she might just think that you are being an ass and not caring. But be careful on how you do it. ASk her how she is doing, if you feel confident enough say ah nvm don't gotta tell me. Just be senstive.
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Old 10-12-2005, 06:28 PM   #8
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Default Re: Death

thats the main thing...listen if she needs to talk, provide some feedback at times but for the most part, just listen. then after like a week or two, when you've gotten closer to her, then you could attempt to ask her out, maybe going out on a date and having some fun will cheer her up more. if you ask her out too early, she will think you were just trying to take advantage of her when she was in this weak state. (I mean, I've done it a hundred times before, not saying it's right though. nothing wrong with trying to get some action is there?......)
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Old 10-12-2005, 06:57 PM   #9
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Default Re: Death

being a girl this is what i say

dont get to sticky, just let her know that if she needs you, you are there.. make any sense? dont say things like i understand when shes explainging how she feels because you obvisouly dont. just sit and listen to her, let her talk as much as she wants... and if she wants to be alone just yeah let her be..

death is such a sad thing... but i guess we are all headed for the same destination, its just how we get there that makes all the difference
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Old 10-12-2005, 07:37 PM   #10
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Default Re: Death

Ask her if she wants someone there. Duh.
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