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Old 08-25-2009, 03:57 PM   #1
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Default Breaking News!!!!!

Breaking News...

Democrats, realizing the success of the President's "Cash For Clunkers"
rebate program, have revamped a major portion of their National Health
Care Plan. President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reed are expected
to make this major announcement at a joint news conference later this week. I have obtained an advanced copy of the proposal which is named....

"CASH FOR CODGERS" and it works like this... Couples wishing to access health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be required to turn in one old person. The amount the government grants them will be fixed according to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription-dependent codgers will garner the highest amounts.

Special "Bonuses" will be paid for those submitting codgers in targeted groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons 10 pounds over their government prescribed weight, and any member of the Republican Party.

Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who consume beef, soda, fried foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, Brussel sprouts, or Girl Scout Cookies. All codgers will be rendered totally useless via toxic injection. This will insure that they are not secretly resold or their body parts harvested to keep other codgers in repair.

I should write for The Colbert Report.

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Old 08-25-2009, 05:50 PM   #2
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Default Re: Breaking News!!!!!

Wow......that didn't suck.

Find something better to do with your time

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Old 08-26-2009, 02:32 AM   #3
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Default Re: Breaking News!!!!!

Originally Posted by Rubber314Chicken View Post
I should write for The Colbert Report.
You should actually write something funny.

Don't use the term "breaking news" in your title unless you have authentic news to report to the community. Otherwise, you're just crying wolf.
Stop the genocide now.
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