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Old 06-13-2005, 06:22 PM   #1
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Talking Another Joke Thread...

Here we go...

You may not know that many non living things have a gender. For example...

01: Ziploc Bags - They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

02: Copiers - They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

03: Tyre - Male, because it goes bald and it's often overinflated.

04: Hot Air Balloon - Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

05: Sponges - Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

06: Web Page - Female, because it's always getting hit on.

07: Subway - Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

08: Hourglass - Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

09: Hammer - Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10: Remote Control - Female... Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider this, it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.


A burly good 'ol boy Texan on a flight flags down a steward and says, "Captain, I want a drink but I don't see the stewardess around".
The steward answers, "Actually I'm not the captain. This airline is proud to have integrated many of the traditional male-female roles of the industry. I'd be happy to get you a drink".
Passenger: "Wow, what does the captain think of that?"
Steward: "She's all for it, in fact, the entire flight crew is female."
Passenger: "I don't believe it!! Take me up to the cockpit so I can see for myself!"
Steward: "Actually sir, we don't call it that anymore."

"Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.."
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?"
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Old 06-13-2005, 08:12 PM   #2
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Pretty funny there, my friend!
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Old 06-13-2005, 08:53 PM   #3
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Here's a couple more, I forgot these when I first posted...

Heard about the insomniac agnostic dsylexic?
Lies awake at night pondering the existence of dog


This guy goes to the jungles of africa where he is escorted by this tour guide. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums.
He asked the guide, "What are those drums?" The guide turned to him and said, "Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop."
Well the guy settled down a little at this, and things went reasonably well for about two weeks. Then, just as they were packing up the camp to leave, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the biologist like a ton of bricks (to coin a phrase), and he yelled at the guide, "The Drums have stopped, What happens now?"
The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said: "Bass Solo"


Heard on a British Airways flight arriving at Berlin Airport:

The British airways 747 has landed and is taxing from the end of the runway to the apron, when it slows and stops. The Captain of the aircraft pauses to consult his procedure manual for this airport as it's been some time since he was last here and he wishes to confirm which taxiway to take to the terminal.

Air traffic controller: "British Airvays 747, Zis is Berlin Tower... What is za delay?" The Controllers at Berlin Airport are famous for their arrogance and detest delays and seemingly incompetence.

747 Captain: (In a clipped, well modulated British accent): "Berlin tower this is British Airways 747, flight 806. I am confirming taxi route to terminal"

Air traffic controller: (with obvious impaitience and a condescending tone): "Vhat is za matter British Airvays 747, Haf you not been to Berlin before"?

747 Captain: "Yes Berlin Tower - Twice, in 1944, however I didn't stop!"
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Old 06-14-2005, 02:41 AM   #4
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If she's 42dd I'll consider it...
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Old 06-14-2005, 02:45 AM   #5
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Who in their right mind wants to be out in a 10 foot dingy in a hurricane?
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Old 06-14-2005, 02:49 AM   #6
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Camera for sale...

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Old 06-14-2005, 02:50 AM   #7
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I think this is why Wilbur and Orville invented the airplane.
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Old 06-14-2005, 12:31 PM   #8
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Know wonder some women love going to their dentist..
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Old 06-14-2005, 12:46 PM   #9
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Old 06-14-2005, 01:13 PM   #10
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Hahahah~
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