The "easy" route would be to get a USB to Ethernet adapter
, then bridge those two connections. If your laptop is connecting via WiFi, then you can bridge the WiFi and ethernet, providing internet via ethernet. Many will say you need a crossover cable, and that depends on the age of the hardware. Most (if not all) newer NIC's can detect what they're connected to and remove the need for a cross-over ethernet cable. Alternatively, bridge and then use a hub.
There are ways of doing it, you just can't directly via USB... without some hardcore hacks that would probably void some s*** and break some stupid EULA's and laws about intellectual rights bla bla bla.
Humans are the only creatures that won't live up to the their potential. Give everything your all. When you die, die on E.
So I ask you, what do you intend to do now?