Jokes N Stuff!

A woman just underwent a surgery and came out of the operation room. She looked around and couldn't see her husband, while her brother was there.

Woman: Where is my husband?

Brother: You don't know who donated their heart for you?

Woman: NOOO, MY HUSBAND!

Brother: Shut it, well ya? He just went for a smoke! Besides, you had a hemorrhoidectomy. What does the hard have anything to do here?
 
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

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A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor's surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.

“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.

Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”
 
Yeah, last generation of consoles put emphasis on this fail. I think they came out too early, even tho the previous generation had a long run already.

I'm playing Gears of War 4 on my PC now. My 4 year old system runs it on high with a couple of setting ultra giving 60FPS (with vsync) most of the time and the worst ever is 47FPS. On absolute highest settings, the worst I got was 28.9FPS, a console speed. But I want smoothness, and high setting aren't that different than the highest, so why not.
 
A general manager was once checking on the workers in the factory he's in charge of, and saw one of the men standing there leaning on the wall doing nothing but playing with his smart phone and laughing.

The GM approached the man and asked him: "what's your monthly salary?". The man looked at him wandering and replied: "1,500 Dollars". The GM gave him that amount and told him to get out of there and never come back, "you're fired".

The GM looked at the others after the man was way gone and told them in a harsh tone: "that's what you get if you slack in your work. One must urn what they get".

One of the workers then came to the GM and told him: "Sir, I don't understand, that was a pizza boy who just delivered the pizza you ordered!"

Moral:
Anger sometimes makes one a stupid idiot :p
 
WARNING +18 JOKE AHEAD!

Boy: Mom, why is my cousin's name Diamond?
His Mom: Cuz your aunt, his mom, loves diamonds. She named her that.
Boy: Is that why you named me...
His Mom: Okay, enough questions.

Question:
What is the boy's name?
 
WARNING +18 JOKE AHEAD!

Boy: Mom, why is my cousin's name Diamond?
His Mom: Cuz your aunt, his mom, loves diamonds. She named her that.
Boy: Is that why you named me...
His Mom: Okay, enough questions.

Question:
What is the boy's name?

Dick, XD
Such a dumb name.
 
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