Jokes N Stuff!

[Smart_Guy]

A scatter brain guy had a urine analysis. The doctor tells him "you have diabetes". The man didn't believe and told him to check again.The doctor checks again and says "yup, you have diabetes". "No no, one more time", said the man.The doctor checks again... and again... for many times because of his insistence. The man finally left, still not believing the doctor.

The next day, the man took a sample of his urine, a sample of his wife's urine and a sample of his car's engine oil, and mixed them together to take them to the doctor to see the doctor's worth. Test is done and the doctor tells the man this: "Your wife is pregnant, your car has 500 miles on the clock in this engine oil change, and you, ay hole, have diabetes."

 

[TylerTheGamer44]

A scatter brain guy had a urine analysis. The doctor tells him "you have diabetes". The man didn't believe and told him to check again.The doctor checks again and says "yup, you have diabetes". "No no, one more time", said the man.The doctor checks again... and again... for many times because of his insistence. The man finally left, still not believing the doctor.

The next day, the man took a sample of his urine, a sample of his wife's urine and a sample of his car's engine oil, and mixed them together to take them to the doctor to see the doctor's worth. Test is done and the doctor tells the man this: "Your wife is pregnant, your car has 500 miles on the clock in this engine oil change, and you, ay hole, have diabetes."

Wow what am I doing with my life, just spent 3 hours of my time reading 49 pages of jokes.

But great jokes everyone.

 

[Smart_Guy]

Wow what am I doing with my life, just spent 3 hours of my time reading 49 pages of jokes.

But great jokes everyone.

That's a real accomplishment for a 44 year old, eh?

 

[~mr mixx~]

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

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Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."

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A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house. He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?" The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?" The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"

 

[Smart_Guy]

Wife to doctor: My husband talks while he's sleeping. What do I do?

Doctor: Give him a chance to talk while he's awake.

 

[Smart_Guy]

A blond gets into a library and tells the clerk in a loud voice "I'd like to order a double cheese burger, without tomato and onion, and one milkshake". The clerk looks at her, and says "this is a library". The blond then feels embarrassed and says in a very faint and low voice "sorry, I'd like to order a double cheese burger, without tomato and onion, and one milkshake"

 

[Smart_Guy]

Woman:
why don't we just get married?

Man:
sorry, that cannot happen.

Woman:
But why?

Man:
we only get married among family members. Like for example my father is married to my mother and my grandfather is married to my grandmother, kinda like that.

 

[BikerEcho]

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

 

[strollin]

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

By a landslide!

 

[BikerEcho]

I don't know why, but videos about scaring children always puts a smile on my face.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Et8iQvpfH34