Jokes N Stuff!

[strollin]

A reporter is interviewing a withered, frail man sitting on a park bench.

"Excuse me sir but you look like a very wise old man. Can you tell us your secrets for a long life?"

The man says, "I drink a quart of whiskey everyday, smoke 2 packs of cigarettes and a half dozen cigars, eat nothing but fast food and the only exercise I get is by making love to my wife 6 times a day."

The reporter exclaimed, "That's amazing! If you don't mind my asking, exactly how old are you?"

The man replied, "I turned 30 on my last birthday."

 

[NikonGuy]

Lol good one ^^

 

[Celery]

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters". The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.


The voice once again calls out: "One Marine is better than one hundred Isis '*******.'s'". Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The voice calls out again: "One Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters." The enraged Isis commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought ..... then silence.

Eventually, one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men … it's a trap. There's two of them."

 

[strollin]

An oldie but a goodie. ^^

I originally heard it as a kid in the 60's only instead of a Marine & Isis it was a Texan taunting Santa Ana at the Alamo!

 

[Celery]

Yeah, I know. It's been updated.

 

[Smart_Guy]

Dude, I'm sooooo gonna share that

 

[Smart_Guy]

A group of men in a gathering...

One of them says: "okay guys, lets be honest here. If you fear your wife, please stand up, otherwise stay seated". All of them stood up one after another after looking at each other except for one guy. They all looked at him and praised him for his courage. The guy then says: "easy guys, my wife broke both my legs this morning!".

 

[Celery]

Three men are sitting in a waiting room in a hospital. Their wives were having a baby.

The doctor goes to the first man and says: "Congratulations you have twins!"

"That's funny, because I work at Double Fudge ice cream shop!" replies the man.

The doctor goes to the second man and says: "Congratulations! You have triplets!"

"That's funny, because I work at Three Kings Inn!" Replies the second man.

The third man was sweating, and flipping out. The two other men ask: "What's wrong?" And the man replies: "I work at 7-Eleven"

 

[Draygoes]

"I am not crazy. The world is just overly sane." -quote from me while trying to make everyone laugh today.

 

[Smart_Guy]

"consider all people are donkeys in the street while you're driving and you're gonna be fine"

- Smart Guy (I'm 32)

Note: here we call stupid people donkeys